Let Them Eat Frickin Awesome Cake

So January -- or Birthdaypalooza as I call it -- has finally ended.

Wrapping up the fiestas was Camie's birthday on the 31st.

I wanted to do something really great for Camie's birthday, but having to spend the whole week prior to the day out of town really limited the amount of pre-Birthday prep I could do. But I figured that at the very least I could make her a cake.

And I knew just what kind of cake to make. (Twirling the proverbial mustache)

I figured something along these lines would be perfect.

Go ahead and take a look. I'll wait.

....

...

Ready? Ok. So clearly the bar has been set pretty high. And I wanted Camie's cake to be just as funny if not funnier than those cakes. But I didn't want it to be gross or real mean. Fake mean was ok, but only if she knew it would be fake mean and not real mean. And I wanted it to tell her that I love her and am super glad she's my best pal and roommate. But didn't want to, you know, flaunt that status in case the other party goers felt a little weird eating a cake with a sentimental greeting written on it. Hello AWKWARD!

Believe me, with all of these feelings to convey striking the right balance in your cake text is trickier than you might think.

Here were the runners-up:

Bite me
I figured this one was too literal

You are Smart, and Funny, and Kind to Animals
But then everyone there would just think I'd written a bunch of lies down. Cake Text should be a distiller of truth.

Shut Up! No YOU Shut Up!
I liked this, but I worried it wouldn't fit on the cake

Sorry You're Soulless
This was good, but it lacked a certain personal touch that would really make it meaningful. So I morphed it to this:

Sorry You're a Soulless Bitch
PERFECT!!

Except there wasn't enough room on the cake. So I had to rework it. And ended up with this:

Sorry You're Old Bitch

Short. Truthful. And most importantly, it held up a time honored tradition in which I either call her a Bitch or give her cards or presents that do it for me.

And if you think that I'm saying Bitch like its a bad thing, then you should know that under all of that cream cheese frosting is a DROP DEAD AWESOME HOMEMADE Red Velvet Cake. If that don't say Love Ya Like A Brother From Another Mother I don't know what does. Unless its making 34 mini red velvet cupcakes with mini swirls of cream cheese frosting and candles arranged into a giant flaming 34 so every party guest could blow out their own cupcake and make a wish. But wait a minute! I did that too.

Happy Birthday Camie!

What's the Opposite of being too bored to blog?

So sometimes I'm not very good at posting because I'm totally boring and there is nothing of any interest happening AT ALL.

This hiatus has NOT been one of those times.

So much has been happening lately, I'm a little overwhelmed when I think about the 40 or so things I should be creating pithy posts about. I can't even deal with that kind of pressure!

So I post nothing.

But then I'm all in a quandry, because I don't want to forget it, either.

And if I know anything about myself it is that I am a Great Forgetter. I used to be a Great Rememberer, but I think my brain is full. There's no room in the Inn, but stuff keeps getting crammed in there. So now everything is all muddled up and I can't remember what year I did what, or who I was with, or if I've already shared such-n-such story with you twenty times. So I've got to just suck it up and jot it all down.

So really, this post is more for me than for you. Sorry world, I can't entertain you today. I got some 'membering to do.

Gave the funniest White Elephant present: Las Vegas in a Box! Each item had a luggage tag with a picture of the Fabulous Las Vegas sign and a clever little note about the present. Stuff like, "Know when to fold 'em" on the pack of cards. The box had the following stuff:

• a roulette game
• pack of cards
• bridal veil
• wig & dark glasses (I even got those old man dark glasses - so HOT)
• a champagne glass
• a trashy novel to read by the pool
• a lounge music CD
• a silk scarf to look the part

Clever, right? I was really excited about this present and thought it would be the toast of the party. But then someone brought a HUGE bottle of Vodka ... and obviously Vegas in a Box cannot possibly compete with vodka.

Christmas was great ... spent it here. The heat went out twice. Brrr-a-la-brrr-brrr.

New Year's was awesome. I went to two parties. I was conspicuous at the first party for two reasons: First, I was the only girl. Second, I was the only straight person. We had a great time, but I made sure to skedaddle before midnight. I wasn't sure what might happen, but I was pretty sure it'd be awkward.

Directly after New Year's the celebrations for my birthday began. I had expected it to be a very low-key year since my birthday was on a Sunday and everyone knows that Sunday birthdays are the Lamest Birthdays of them All. But it wasn't. Not low key at all.

The festivities began on Saturday and just kept on going, and going ...

Saturday

• Treated myself to a box of gourmet cupcakes from Hello, Cupcake
• Treated myself to a big bowl of Tangysweet FroYo
• Treated myself to the Broadway production of Legally Blonde at the Kennedy Center

Sunday

• Treated myself to a lazy day around the house
• Treated myself to a hot dog/chips/diet coke combo for lunch. (YUM!!)
• Maria made me a steak dinner
• Charlene made a riiiiiidiculous Rasperry-Lemon cheesecake

Happily Birthdayed I thought the fun was over.

Wrong. The fun was JUST BEGINNING!

Monday

• Work pals take me to lunch and make a big production with chocolate cake and singing.
• During lunch they try to convince me to go to drag bingo. "Sounds like fun, but will it help me with my New Year's Resolution to meet straight men?" I ask. Probably not, but still will be fun.

Tuesday

• Work pals tell the Drag Queens at drag bingo that A) its my birthday and B) I'm Mormon. (As such I was a tiny bit out of place at a gay sports bar).
• Sang Happy B with my new favorite ladies Shiqueeta Lee and Akasha Cassadine
• Forced to do a shot (of cranberry juice) to the stomping and cheering of an entire bar
  
• Being called to the front to call out the numbers
• Being generally Heckled and Celebritied all night long

All of us with the fabulous Shiqueeta Lee and Akasha Cassadine.



Friday
Camie wanted to through me a party because she hadn't been able to participate in any of the other parties. I was well and truly exhausted by this point, but thought it would be fun to have people over to make decorate cookies and have a quiet night in.

So we did. It wasn't that quiet. But it WAS super fun! Even Mustard decorated one or two.





I never thought turning 34 would be so action packed! I'm pooped.

Happy Birthday Camie!

Today is my BFF Camie's birthday. Last year I really outdid myself and got her three really awesome gifts.

First, a cool picture frame from Anthropologie.

Second, I wrapped all of the things I'd borrowed from her over the year and regifted them to her. I think there were three books, a couple of pairs of socks, and maybe a notebook.

Third, this Lookin Good for Jesus Fix-It-Kit. Which I think you'll agree is both WAY AWESOME and TOTALLY USEFUL (both spiritually and physically).
This year's gift could never measure up to last year's in coolness or originality. For one thing, I didn't borrow anything from her this year (that I'm planning on giving back). But even though this won't be as cool as Jesus Lip Balm, part of my gift to Camie on this, her 33rd Birthday, is to list 33 reasons why I'm glad Camie is my friend.

1. She likes grilled cheese sandwiches more than anyone I know.
2. She also really value Tots. I respect that.
3. She's my favorite person to sit with after church ends and look at (critique) everyone’s outfit. I’ve tried doing it solo … it’s not the same.
4. For years she was my Visiting Teacher. Best VT EVER! It was the only time I’ve ever been consistently Visit Taught, and the only time I would actually have considered calling my VT to help me out if I needed anything.
5. Excellent at theme parties. Hello? Plastic lunch trays for the back-to-school party? Genius.
6. My favorite dancing buddy.
7. My favorite shopping buddy.
8. Her driving doesn’t scare me.
9. She remembers the first time we met, even though I don’t. We both remember that we talked to some guy named Al Winner.
10. We became friends by fighting over a boy. It was a tie.
11. We decided to be best friends in a van in Punxsutawney, PA.
12. Neither of us saw the groundhog in Punxsutawney, but we did see WAY too much of the Elderly Turbo Lover in his spandex pants.
13. I can text her at 3AM when I'm attracted to inappropriate men and she won't get mad.
14. We hid in the ladies room together when Tod the Bod started to take off toooo much at Vicki's bridal shower. That was scary.
15. She is my style guru. Seriously.
16. She doesn't get mad (for keeps) when I copy her and buy things that she bought first.
17. She was glad that I left her for dead when she passed out in the shower. (That worked out nicely for me, since I was busy with the international billing rules that may or may not apply to text messages.)
18. She introduced me to 100 calorie Hostess Cupcake packs.
19. She listens to all of the advice I give. She doesn't always take it, but she always lets me give it. It makes me feel useful. (And occasionally wise).
20. She is a really good story teller.
21. I love how she uses the names of co-workers and other friends I don't know in her stories, making it seem like I know them too. Makes me feel included.
22. She thinks that she isn't a people person- but let me tell you, she is. Definitely. She is an expert at making new friends and opening up.
23. She loves Guns 'N Roses. Even though she didn't notice that when she went to see them in concert she thought the opening band was them, and left before GNR took the stage. An honest mistake.
24. She is the Glue.
25. She is the Voice of Reason. (Unless she's flipping out, then I am the Voice of Reason).
26. She loves neutral colors.
27. Her favorite non-neutral color was, and might possibly still be, purple.
28. Beach time with Camie is always uber-relaxing.
29. She has some really good one-liners which I've adopted such as "Tan fat is better than white fat."
30. She has a refreshingly nonchalant attitude regarding parking tickets.
31. Thankfully, she doesn't judge me for the dumb things I do. But even if she did, she would still be my friend.
32. She makes me laugh. V. Important.
33. We're both 33, we're both single, and we're both dealing with the same &^*#. If we had to do this by ourselves I'd definitely be a lot more bitter, and she'd probably be a lot more jaded. It's nice to have someone along for the roller coaster ride.

Happy Birthday Camie!