Another Voice Mail From My Dad

Speaking of tightwad skinflints, your name came right to the top!

Have you noticed that if you go to your computer and type Oprah slash KFC and print you a coupon for a Free Kentucky Fried meal you get TWO pieces of grilled chicken TWO individual sides and a biscuit for NOTHING ... WITH JUST THAT COUPON????!?

I thought you'd like that.

Goodbye.

Am I a lucky daughter or what? My Dad really knows what makes my day! I will do just about anything for free food. Free Scoop Day at B&J's? There. Free Slurpee Day at 7-11? There. Flap-jack Friday Free Breakfast? TOTALLY THERE!

NB: word on the street is that this is one of those limited time thingies.

PS and PNB: It was kind of a shizzy day with the rain and the traffic and the practically passing out on the treadmill. This voicemail was a real beacon of joy in the otherwise miserable news my blackberry has been passing along all day. Thanks Pop! And Thanks Oprah slash KFC!

Proud

Ok, so its kind of lame to blog about mundane aspects of your life, but really I don't have much else going on right now. It's all I can handle to work 10 hours a day (loving it all the way!), feed myself, and get an appropriate amount of sleep. Exciting wackadoodle adventures aren't on the agenda.

With such a regimented and, let's face it, boring schedule I have to take my victories where I can. Which is why I'm SUPER proud of myself for the following things:

1. I woke up at 6 AM and went jogging around Lincoln Park this morning.

2. I jogged 3 miles in 28 MINUTES!! If you're bad at math like me, that means I was running under a 10 minute mile! I don't know how much under cuz that math is too hard, but UNDER!!!

3. I made myself breakfast before heading off to work.

4. My breakfast was AWESOME!!! I scrambled two eggs with a tad of buttermilk, some rosemary and salt & pepper. For real peeps, I've never been into eggs that much but I could eat these every day!!!

And to top it all off, I was at work by 8:30. (cue the angelic chorus)

Now let's see if I can manage to not mess up what is starting out to be a pretty amazing day.

Farewell Pizza Friday

So the best thing about my former job was Pizza Friday. (FYI, I now have newer and awesomer job that I love so much I don't even notice the 10 hour days. If you're keeping score at home, that's about 7 hours more a day than I've been used to working.)

So Pizza Friday was the best!! It was easily the coolest perk of the entire company. Every other Friday they'd bring pizza in for the whole office. This was a highly ritualized experience, and May the Hammer of Thor protect you if you dared to break the rules, which are these:

1. Line up OUTSIDE of the break room until all of the pizzas and sodas have arrived and have been arranged.
2. DO NOT enter the break room until the Official Go Ahead has been given.
3. DO NOT schedule the large conference room during Pizza Friday time thereby causing everyone to have to eat at their desk and be lame.
4. Bring your most outlandish stories and Office Space quotes to make the dining experience more fun.
5. No one invite HR or any Execs to eat in the conference room so we can complain at length and talk about how hung over everyone is.

Pizza Friday was the highlight of my life at that job. I started looking forward to it about 30 minutes after finishing my last slice of Tomato & Bacon. So its only fitting that my last day at the office was also Pizza Friday. That scheduling, my friends, was 100% intentional.

So on my last Pizza Friday, I was all set to follow the time honored tradition of lining up and policing the break room door for any wise guys who thought they could sneak in early, when my pal Corey told me I needed to go to the Front Lobby. I was like, "Um, Corey, the pizza is in HERE!" and he was like, "Zip it Girlfriend and come with me to the lobby."

So we went up there. And that's where he unveiled a pizza just for me with a giant G spelled out with pepperoni. It was a sublime moment in my life.

So of course, being the spaz that I am, I squealed like a school girl, and jumped around a little bit. Only to turn around and see every member of the Executive group shooting lasers at me through the glass wall of the Front conference room. Unbeknownst to me they were having some kind of fancy-pants conference call in there.

Whoops! Typical moi, looking classy at every opportunity.

Apparently they didn't think that a G Pizza is worth screaming about. I happen to think they're wrong. Tis but one of the differences between me and executives.

On the Radar

ME: You know if Tim wasn't married, I would swear he is gay. I'm picking up serious gaydar blips from him.

FRIEND: Yeah. Tim's married. (long pause while I continue to try and reconcile the blips with the ring) To STEVE.

ME: OH! Well I must say I'm relieved to hear that. I thought my gaydar was on the fritz!! I used to have zero gaydar and I've worked hard to get some. I'd be really bummed out if it was broken!

Don't Call It A Comeback

Are you refreshed? I'm refreshed. Yup. Very, very refreshed.

So refreshed in fact, I think I'll take up this blogging thing again. I've been spending most of my creative efforts in Facebook lately. I'm lovin the Facebook, people! But apparently my pithy little FB Status messages aren't satisfying the 3 people who read this blog. And there's been an outcry.

I thought for sure that my fanbots would have forgotten about my blog during my 2.5 month break, but no! Some real live people are actually still checking it out and want more. No one is more amazed than I.

For example, Pop Hanson left me this voicemail the other day:

We are having a family council and it has been decided that it has been way too long since you've updated your blog. Begin updating forthwith.

Please send money.

Thank you. Goodbye.

(I can always tell when he's means business because he'll use his Business Letter voice. He's very keen on formal communication.)

So I'm back, baby!

Stay tuned for shenanigans and tomfoolery...

What's the Opposite of being too bored to blog?

So sometimes I'm not very good at posting because I'm totally boring and there is nothing of any interest happening AT ALL.

This hiatus has NOT been one of those times.

So much has been happening lately, I'm a little overwhelmed when I think about the 40 or so things I should be creating pithy posts about. I can't even deal with that kind of pressure!

So I post nothing.

But then I'm all in a quandry, because I don't want to forget it, either.

And if I know anything about myself it is that I am a Great Forgetter. I used to be a Great Rememberer, but I think my brain is full. There's no room in the Inn, but stuff keeps getting crammed in there. So now everything is all muddled up and I can't remember what year I did what, or who I was with, or if I've already shared such-n-such story with you twenty times. So I've got to just suck it up and jot it all down.

So really, this post is more for me than for you. Sorry world, I can't entertain you today. I got some 'membering to do.

Gave the funniest White Elephant present: Las Vegas in a Box! Each item had a luggage tag with a picture of the Fabulous Las Vegas sign and a clever little note about the present. Stuff like, "Know when to fold 'em" on the pack of cards. The box had the following stuff:

• a roulette game
• pack of cards
• bridal veil
• wig & dark glasses (I even got those old man dark glasses - so HOT)
• a champagne glass
• a trashy novel to read by the pool
• a lounge music CD
• a silk scarf to look the part

Clever, right? I was really excited about this present and thought it would be the toast of the party. But then someone brought a HUGE bottle of Vodka ... and obviously Vegas in a Box cannot possibly compete with vodka.

Christmas was great ... spent it here. The heat went out twice. Brrr-a-la-brrr-brrr.

New Year's was awesome. I went to two parties. I was conspicuous at the first party for two reasons: First, I was the only girl. Second, I was the only straight person. We had a great time, but I made sure to skedaddle before midnight. I wasn't sure what might happen, but I was pretty sure it'd be awkward.

Directly after New Year's the celebrations for my birthday began. I had expected it to be a very low-key year since my birthday was on a Sunday and everyone knows that Sunday birthdays are the Lamest Birthdays of them All. But it wasn't. Not low key at all.

The festivities began on Saturday and just kept on going, and going ...

Saturday

• Treated myself to a box of gourmet cupcakes from Hello, Cupcake
• Treated myself to a big bowl of Tangysweet FroYo
• Treated myself to the Broadway production of Legally Blonde at the Kennedy Center

Sunday

• Treated myself to a lazy day around the house
• Treated myself to a hot dog/chips/diet coke combo for lunch. (YUM!!)
• Maria made me a steak dinner
• Charlene made a riiiiiidiculous Rasperry-Lemon cheesecake

Happily Birthdayed I thought the fun was over.

Wrong. The fun was JUST BEGINNING!

Monday

• Work pals take me to lunch and make a big production with chocolate cake and singing.
• During lunch they try to convince me to go to drag bingo. "Sounds like fun, but will it help me with my New Year's Resolution to meet straight men?" I ask. Probably not, but still will be fun.

Tuesday

• Work pals tell the Drag Queens at drag bingo that A) its my birthday and B) I'm Mormon. (As such I was a tiny bit out of place at a gay sports bar).
• Sang Happy B with my new favorite ladies Shiqueeta Lee and Akasha Cassadine
• Forced to do a shot (of cranberry juice) to the stomping and cheering of an entire bar
  
• Being called to the front to call out the numbers
• Being generally Heckled and Celebritied all night long

All of us with the fabulous Shiqueeta Lee and Akasha Cassadine.



Friday
Camie wanted to through me a party because she hadn't been able to participate in any of the other parties. I was well and truly exhausted by this point, but thought it would be fun to have people over to make decorate cookies and have a quiet night in.

So we did. It wasn't that quiet. But it WAS super fun! Even Mustard decorated one or two.





I never thought turning 34 would be so action packed! I'm pooped.

Mustard and Gretchen Write a Chirstmas Letter

"Hey Mustard," I hollered, "Come in here. I need you!"

"WHHHHYYYY?" he hollered right back.

"We have to write our Christmas letter and I need your help!" I said, still hollering.

It took a minute but I soon heard him commentating as he sock-skated his way from the kitchen to the living room. "Woosh! Woosh! And its that Ice Devil Mustard coming in from the outside!" before he burst into the room and with a giant Risky Business Slide slammed into me on the couch.

"oooophhFFF, Get off me!" I said, pushing him off my lap and onto the seat next to me.

"So!" he settled in looking at the computer screen, "Whatcha got so far?"

"Not much. I can't really remember this year."

"Well, that makes sense. You're old and senile" he said matter of factly.

I gave him a look that said, Watch it mister. Sadly, idle threats don't really phase Mustard, so outloud I said, "I remember that it was a great year -- infinitely better than 2007 -- but what in the world did we do?"

"Well, we ... uh ... oh yeah! This Spring we went ... no, no, that was last year. .... Shoot! You're right! What DID we do this year?"

"Exactly" I said drily.

"This can't be right. We had a rockin year. At least I had a rockin year. Your life was probably pretty boring" he said. "Let's think about this. OK. For one thing we moved to Capitol Hill during that monsoon. That was awesome."

"Oh yeah! That move was crazy, but living here IS Totally Awesome. Mini high-five for moving!" And we high fived. "OK. What else did we do?"

"We went to the beach for that week long vacation in May" he said.

We looked at each other and said in unison: "BEST VACATION EVER!" And then sighed deeply as we remembered its amazingness. Then I said, "And then, remember going to the beach every weekend in August? Good times."

"True dat" he said. "And remember when you got your braces off? But then you put them back on two weeks later cuz you were a super fussy-pants and then had to have them on for six more months?" He laughed while I glared, "You weren't expecting to look like a doofus for ALL of 2008, were you?!"

"Oh Yeah? Well shut up, cuz I'm getting them off -- FOR REAL THIS TIME -- on the 29th!"

He grinned and said, "Suuuuure you are. I'll believe it when I see it."

"ANYWAAAAAAAY. It wasn't the biggest mover-and-shaker of a year. We've established that. But it was still a fun year, true?"

"Very true, Jeeves, very true" he said.

"What was your favorite part?" I asked him.

"Oh, that has to be when you went to Las Vegas and that -- "

"STOP!!"

"And you were like, 'Bathtub???!?! WTF? Who ASKS that?' and --"

"Mustard! For real!!!! We are NOT talking about that."

"Sorry I'm laughing so hard! But your face was so classic!"

"Its not my fault people say stupid stuff to me! Will you please stop laughing? Really. Its not that funny."

"Hoooo! Sorry!" he said wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes.

"You are really not helping with this Christmas letter. You're just bringing up all of the things I'd rather NOT remember about 2008" I said.

"Sorry, sorry. What would you rather remember? Lame stuff like your favorite movie?" he asked a touch scornfully.

"Sure! That's the kind of stuff you look back on and laugh about. Not embarrassing things that should STAY IN VEGAS."

"Alright, fine, little Miss Boring Face. My favorite movie was Tropic Thunder. That retarded scene? Classic!! What was yours?"

I rolled my eyes. Of course that would be his favorite.

"Mmmm" I said while I mentally thumbed through the movies I saw this year. "I have no idea. There were a bunch I liked."

"Listen Missy, you gotta pick. That's the whole point. Otherwise, its no fun, and I get to tell another embarrassing story from 2008 that you'd rather not remember."

"OK!!! Geez. You play dirty! My favorite movie was probably TheDarkKnightWall-ESex&TheCityWanted."

"Um-hum." I could tell he wasn't very thrilled with that cop-out answer. But they were all REALLY good! "Favorite song?" he asked.

I effected a Family Feud voice and said, "iTunes SAYS! White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes. Good choice iTunes - I do really like that song! Yours?"

And he busted out singing:
"She got them Apple-bottom jeans"

I promptly joined in, "Boots with the fur! The whole club was lookin at her!"

Simultaneously we both got off the couch and dancing we sang, "She hit the floor. Next Thing you know. Shawty got Low Low Low Low Low Low Low!!"

And that's pretty much where the letter writing ended, and the dance party began. It was a great year for us! We hope you had a fantastic time too!

How I Spent My Staycation

I'm playing hostess to my older sister this week. We are still wearing these outfits. We look even more awesome than you can imagine.

Our House is Officially Warmed

I know I haven't been writing lately, but it's been a whirlwind over here people. A WHIRLWIND!

To get an idea take five hotel rooms, two trips to IKEA, a million home improvement chores, 65 spreadsheets, one clandestine clothes shopping trip, one very well attended and super fun housewarming party, two over-conditioned ballrooms, three parking tickets, and one life changing bowl of ice cream and put them all in a giant blender. Blend for two weeks on SUPER FREAKING FAST and you'll have an idea of how things have looked from my point of view.

The highlight of last week was definitely our housewarming party. I was planning on taking you all on a photo tour of the post-renovations house. I thought I'd take advantage of its clean pre-party state to take some pictures for the tour. Dutifully I started snapping away but somehow got derailed taking pictures of the party food instead. I'm not sure how that happened - but we had a LOT of yummy looking food.

So instead of a tour you get a Housewarming Party food/fun breakdown. I'm sharing the food pictures with you (instead of the more interesting people pictures) because its still lingering around the house tempting me, and I shouldn't be the only one suffering here. Man cannot live on pie alone -- although it appears that I'm trying.



Delicioso cupcakes with sprinkles! Spicy Cream Cheese/Chile roll ups! Brie with walnuts/cranberries/apricots covered with CARAMEL!! Yes! And Please!





Honeycrisp -Holy Moley This is The Yummiest Apple EVER - Apples! Walnuts schmalnuts. And dried Apricots. You know, for the sugar intolerant. A good hostess always thinks of the less fortunate when party planning.





Candy dishes were sprinkled around like this one so a Reeces was never more than 3 feet from you at any given time. Aren't we the most thoughtful party planners evah!

Somehow I didn't manage to take any pictures of the food in the kitchen. But we had pie, pie, more pie, some Brie, and a crazy Mormon Punch concoction made out of Papaya Juice and Sprite served in a Punch Bowl thankyouverymuch. I called it Papaya Punch, cuz it was fun to say.

I had a great time and I think most of our guests did too. At least there weren't any cat fights and no one except these guys stormed out swearing -- pretty typical for them. So that's probably a good indicator.




See you soon with a full bodied tour of our charming casa!

My Awesome New Hair Cut

So let's review. This was my hair for the last year or two:

KA-RAY-ZAY!!!

Its a little Farrah a little Heidi but a whole lotta hassle. I just couldn't do it anymore! I needed to embrace my inner straight-haired girl. I love me some curls but for me curls require product + heat + patience + a can of extra hold hairspray. I can't be that high maintenance anymore.

So I decided to do what they say on all of those makeover shows and "work with your hair." Here's the new cut and color (don't you just LOVE the color? I have no idea why I'm the only kid in my family not to have awesome dark hair naturally. I got stuck with golden brown. BOR-ING!)



First of all, I have to say that this cut is for real the easiest to do of ANY hairstyle I've ever had. That includes perms. I seriously just wash it, and dry it and try to make sure I don't dry the bangs sticking up funny. From beginning to end its like 4 minutes. No lie. My snooze button will be seeing a lot more of me now.

One of the other best things about this cut is its versatility!

Want it a little more casual? No problemo ... I just sweep it to one side and Voila!


Dry those bangs funny? Or not feeling bangy that day. A single bobby pin will suffice.




Need a wig to rob a bank in? This look is also included.



Here's the casual, I'm just going to throw my hair up into a pony tail, but still look totally cute look and all you people can just be jealous of me and my casual but perfect style.



And how does it look after a day of running around doing errands and cleaning? Like this:

TOTALLY DURABLE!

I don't have to keep fluffing or scrunching or spraying or flipping to make it look cute. IT JUST LOOKS CUTE. PERIOD.

At last I am content.

Wherin I Cheat Death and Subsequently Go On A Date With Placido Domingo

Ok guys, so it's been like a coon's age since I wrote, but I was in Ann Arbor for work last week and AA is like so BLAHsville. There's nothing there but bad cream sauce and florescent lighting. Nothing post-worthy about that. So unless I tell the story about the emergency nap I had to take in one of the file rooms because I was almost bored to death there's not much to report.

But now I'm back in DC and already life is back to its technicolor glory.

For example, I put on my Snooty-Snoot duds last night and went to the Opera at the Kennedy Center. I won't bore you with details about it. Even though Placido Domingo was our host and conductor for the evening and was utterly charming. And you probably wouldn't care that the sets were so astonishing the audience literally burst into applause for them. And it would be super boring to tell you about how the just-starting-out performers who were part of Placido's super-student school were peeing their pants with excitement at performing La Traviata at The Kennedy Center. And how I was so excited for them because I just knew that they were going to run backstage after the show and call their moms to tell them that they had justgottenaSTANDINGOVATION fromasoldouthouse At. The. KENNEDY CENTER -SQUUEEEEEEEEE!!!!

That all could be a little dull to report. So I'll just get things back into the proper focus (which is on me of course) and say that I seriously love saying things like, "I'm going to the Opera at the Kennedy Center tonight." Because how many people really get to go to the Kennedy Center for their opera? Its totally famous and on TV and stuff! And its def not in Ann Arbor (no disrespect AA, k? love you!)

This break from unpacking is brought to you by ...

Hey everybody! I'm still alive. Buried under hundreds of boxes. But alive.

I really should be trying to dig myself out, but I had a chance to be a guest blogger at the amazing Food + Flower + Style, and no amount of sweater organizing was going to keep me from getting a piece of THAT action.

Food + Flower + Style is run by the two most creative and talented people that I actually know in person. They are amazing! If I weren't having a great time living my life, I would definitely trade it in for one of theirs.

I'll be back after I can get my life a wee bit more organized. In the meantime, check out Food + Flower + Style's blog, my post there, and the very stylish store (which is stocked with everything I ever wanted to buy).

Mustard Moves House

Saturday Mustard and I packed our bags and moved to our awesome new apartment in Capitol Hill.

It was hands down the most complicated move I have ever been a part of, and I don't mind telling you I stayed up late several nights fretting about how we were going to keep all of the cogs moving. Foolishly, I didn't give myself any overlap days, so I had to do the entire move from top to bottom in one day. The entire process was pretty damn stressful.

Here was the basic plan:

1. Go to U-Haul, pick up the truck.
2. Drive it around back to load up all of Camie's stuff that has been in storage for 4 weeks.
3. Take it to the new apartment to be dropped off
4. Maneuver everything up one really skinny set of stairs, and for bedroom items up a tight spiral staircase.
   
5. Drive to Silver Spring, to load my apartment
6. Load my apartment
7. Drive back to Capitol Hill to unload my stuff
8. Take truck back
9. Pass out

At each stage we had to make sure we had a crew of people (read: men) who would be able to help. Not as easy to arrange as I'd hoped since there was apparently some sort of out of town Man Convention that all of my men friends claimed they were attending. For those I could get, some could only stay for so long, or arrive at a certain time, so there was a lot of coordinating to do. Plus I needed to make sure every one was fed, had addresses and directions for the multiple locations, and had our cell phones so they could meet up with us en route if need be. An event planner would have been proud!

As I sat there strategizing all of the ins and outs of this move I thought to myself, "You know what? This seems TOO easy. I need something that would make this move more exciting. Kick it up a notch. How about a Tropical Storm? Nothing like torrential rains and hurricane force winds to really motivate your movers!"

So I dialed up Tropical Storm Hanna and said, "Yo, Hanna! Babe! DC has been having the most amazing Summer in the history of the world. I really want to give my friends a treat on my moving day. Do you want to come over and spice things up for us? .... YOU DO?! Excellent. Let's see, I'm scheduled to move at 9. Would 8 AM work for you? Great. See you then!"

And so it was.

My awesome friends took all of the challenges of this move in stride, and were AMAZING! From my point of view it went really well! We all got really, really, and I DO mean REALLY WET. But nothing was ruined and no one got hurt or a cold, so in my book that counts as a resounding success! With any luck they'll stop cursing my name after I take them all out for a battery of very expensive lunches.

P.S. If you want to read the death-defying story of how the box springs were magicked up to our bedrooms, then check this out. There were at least 3 times when I thought for SURE someone was going to the hospital. Or the morgue.

P.P.S. Pictures of the new house will be coming soon. And BEST OF ALL, we have already christened it with the most perfect name.

Unfettered

Eighteen months ago ........

I wouldn't smile too widely because see that left front tooth? I HATED IT. Longer than the rest, it was the focal point of all of my self-consciousness. Even my jiggly butt failed to attract my criticism - all self loathing was reserved for THAT DAMN TOOTH.

So I did something about it.




Such a charmer with my braceface, doncha think? For all of you teens/adults out there that think you shouldn't get braces because it will dampen your social life ... let me tell you, it doesn't. I did just fine with the mens during this time of supposed social leprosy. It was a real lesson to me that if you are happy and have a good sense of humor you are just as attractive as someone that doesn't have metal welded to their face.

And now, today, I am reveling in their straightness and the fact that I got a few years put back onto my age. I don't look like I'm 17 anymore.


Hello beautiful teeths! I knew you were in there somewhere.

Oh, Biting! How I've missed you. Carrots, Celery, Apples! No longer shall we be parted!

But you know the thing I'm most excited about? Besides the straightness of them, of course. Is the Flossing .... oh how I've missed the flossing!

Picture Us Here

I'm all in a tizzy! Camie and I have been looking for an apartment for the last week, and yesterday I lost my heart to the most perfect apartment in Capitol Hill. Its so perfect I was up half the night tittering with excitement. I don't give up sleep for anything less than perfection.

If I walked to the middle of the street and turned right this is what I'd see:

(Fireworks optional)

If I turned to the left I'd see Lincoln Park:

(Fall foliage optional)

And if I went inside the apartment, I'd be in one of the best apartments available in Capitol Hill, if not the world. Clean, huge, bright, and renovated to perfection. All for the perfect price.

Most amazing of all, I was the first person to turn in an application, so there's a tiny snowball's chance that we could actually get this apartment.

SO PRAY, PEOPLE, PRAY!!! Get your golden calves, Torahs, Mexican Prayer Hands, rosaries, fasting, Hail Marys, or whatever else you might need to give your righteousness a boost. Because really, apartments like this one are only granted with Divine intervention. Its going to take all of our combined power to get this miracle to happen. I hope I haven't wasted all of my miracle bucks on minor things like avoiding parking tickets, because I really want to spend them on this apartment.

Sweatbands, Not Just for Frenzied TV Surfing Anymore

I played Wii for the first time on Friday night with my friend Bryan. And, I'm pleased to let you know that I ROCKED IT! Well, not the bowling, or the golf. But the Tennis was mine all mine.

I didn't think I'd ever have an occasion to wear the smooth wrist sweatbands my pal Melissa gave me for Christmas (that girl is an alchemist at a dollar store; nimbly converting trash to treasures). But playing Wii is ideal for wearing sweatbands! First, they keep your hand from getting sweaty so you won't drop the remote. Second, they keep the wrist strap on the remote from chaffing your delicate wrist. Third, they inspire a little bit of WATCH-OUT! - I'm-One-BAD-MOTHER-of-a -WII-Player into your opponents mind, making your win that much easier.

Listen, don't mock. Hand-eye coordination isn't going to give me any kind of advantage. The only thing I've got in my arsenal is terry cloth. So GAME ON, SUCKAS!!!

Wherin DC Rules

If you can overlook the violent thunderstorms and penchant for tornadoes we've seen so far, June is turning out to be a delightful month! I took advantage of the perfect, low-humidity 80s we had this weekend to do all kinds of outdoor activities. It's always nice to be outside without feeling like you're wearing a cellophane suit.

On Friday afternoon I went downtown to get my haircut and since I was just a couple of blocks from the Mall I decided to pop into some of the Galleries to see what they were exhibiting. It wasn't until I hit Constitution Avenue and saw the swarms of fanny-packed families that I exclaimed, "Egad! How could I have forgotten Tourist Season! Take evasive action QUICK!!" And I sprinted into the Hirshorn Gallery - which houses the modern art and is therefore most likely to be empty(ish).

I, for one, am glad that most of the peeps don't understand modern art because the Hirshorn is my favorite gallery and I'm always happy to have it uncluttered with people saying, "my three year old could paint that." I won't go into how irritating that is, because people that get it get it, whereas people that don't get it will not be convinced by any arguments I could make. But basically, the Hirshorn is good for great art that doesn't take itself too seriously. I can pretty much guarantee you that you won't see a painting like this anywhere else on the Mall and I love that!




However, one cannot spend too long being a pseudo-intellectual art snob; its way too tiring. And so I braved the crowds and headed out to the Sculpture Garden which was about to have their Friday after-work jazz concert. I was lucky to find a bench with a view of the fountain and the sangria line. After all of that snooty art, I was happy to sit back and listen to the Brazilian jazz band while critiquing the outfits (good and bad) of the passersby. This has got to be one of my favorite things to do in life.

But all good things must be replaced with other good things sooner or later. And so Camie came to pick me up and we went to get sushi in Dupont. To my great happiness, Camie discovered that she loves sushi. This will make picking a place to eat much easier in the future since I am ALWAYS up for sushi.

Unfortunately, we finished off the night by going to the Singles Conference dance ... which was a massive mistake, and should be expunged from my memory immediately lest I dread being old and single enough to actually do something about it. I cannot even comment on the horror of the event. But you know what they say, Trauma + Time = Humor. So maybe in a decade or so I'll tell you about it.

Saturday was just as action packed, if not quite as high-brow. I spent the afternoon at a Golf Clinic. I haven't picked up a club for about 10 years, but I slipped right back into my old habits and before I knew it had fallen into my old pattern of slicing, chipping, swearing, putting, swearing, putting again, and cheating. It's nice to know that all of the skills I had honed all those years ago were able to resurface at a moment's notice.

After the golf, I went to the Nationals baseball game with some friends. As usual, most of the game was spent walking around the concourse looking for the perfect hot dog stand. Don't even doubt that I found it. The rest of the game was spent trying to get The Wave started. I love stadium sports!

I have to admit that all of that big-city living left me feeling pretty proud of myself. Generally, all I can manage to do on the weekend is go to the grocery store and the gym. And even that is negotiable. It was pretty great to be out in the city all weekend taking advantage of all of the wonderful things it has to offer. I never forget how much I love it here, but its weekends like this that remind me why I love it and why I have no excuse to ever use the words "I'm bored."

Wherein I'm Blessed For Going to Church

I go to church regularly, but some days its a real struggle. 9 AM is such a HARD time for me to be anywhere. Especially because I love to stay up late, as I think I've mentioned before. And Friday and Saturday nights are sacred because they are the only two I can really stay up as late as I'd like. So this morning there was the usual battle with myself over whether I should stay in bed or get up and go to church. It was a long and bitter fight, but in the end I got up and went. That's the nice thing about church, even when I don't want to go, I'm always glad when I make the effort and go. It's always worth it. (Plus afternoon naps are so delightful.)

So anyway, after church I was standing in the hallway talking with some people when this guy came up to me and said, "Is your name Gretchen?"

And I was like, "Yes" on the outside, but on the inside I was like, "Oh crap. Do I know this guy? I don't think I do, but I wish I did because he's crazy cute!"

And he said, "Do you recognize me?"

Unfortunately, I had to say no. Oh WHY!? WHY did my answer have to be no?!

But he pressed on, "I don't look familiar to you at all?" He seemed so disappointed that I didn't know who he was that I considered 'fake remembering' him. But I didn't; I just apologized and asked his name (hoping like crazy that I'd recognize it). Which was when he told me that he was the brother of one of my favorite roommates from BYU. A roommate that I've been looking for for years! I Google her about every 3 months, but I can't find her. Do you guys have friends like that? They get married, change their names, and just seem to drop off the map. And HERE! - here was her handsome and very cool brother delivered neatly into my life to solve this mystery. He should have come with a bow on his head.

As we talked, all of these little details started creeping back. Things like the names of the other members of the family, what their parents do and where they lived, and oh yeah, that he and I went out on a date or two once upon a time. He reminded me that we went to a Thai restaurant that had really slow service and was named "Wok Right In" (naturally). He obviously has a top-notch brain because that's a lot of detail to remember about a date that happened 13 years ago! (I can barely remember the event at all - but I don't blame myself. That was like a century ago. Geez!)

So anyway, I can't decide what I'm more excited about. Getting back in touch with my long-lost friend, or renewing my friendship with her brother.

But, as excited as I am, I'm also a girl and so I'm just a tad self-conscious that he was able to recognize me so easily. I know I look young, but do I still look just like I did at 19? I don't consider my college years to have been my most attractive years. They were full of frumpy clothes, bad skin, and other horrors like feathered bangs. I hope I'm not having a relapse.

Wherin My Vacation Ends and I'm Sad

Beyond this fence are the wild ponies of NC.

I'm in deep mourning tonight because my vacation is ending. I've had 10 days off ... and each one was a perfect pearl of fun.

I completed all of my plans for Memorial Day -- pool, pedicure, slurpees, and general frivolity with the girls -- followed by my trip to the Outer Banks, North Carolina.

I spent the rest of the week in one of the large beach houses there, named Sea Splash. The owners always name their houses lame things like "Life's a Beach" and "B-lo C." If I ever have a beach house I'm going to name it "Juicy Juicy Mangoes." Anyway, this is the house I stayed in...


I started out the week with some people that I knew from Church, who were lovely, but secretly, I was super excited to be alone. I figured I like being at my house alone, so how much BETTER would it be to be at the BEACH alone!? I could do all of the stuff I do at my apartment, but AT THE BEACH! And I was right. It was bliss! Absolute bliss!

It was perhaps the most perfect vacation ev-ah! The weather was perfect. I read three books. Slept in. Stayed up late. Ate cheeseburgers and peach pie for dinner and blackened fish tacos for lunch. Discovered a shipwreck on the beach. Took long walks. And really really didn't want to come home.

If there is any icing to be put on this perfection of a vacation cake it was the price. The whole trip INCLUDING gas cost me about $100.

And now?! NOW I have to go back to work. It's beyond depressing. I guess it has to end. All good things must end. Right? That's what everyone says anyway, AS IF that makes it any better. I'm here to tell you ... IT DOESN'T.

More Hansons

I'm taking a quick break from this ...



and this ....


AND THIS! ...


to let you know that there is one more Hanson now gracing this fair land. My darling new niece, Bridgette has arrived and is way more beautiful and charming than any baby I've ever seen. (I thought my brother was exaggerating, as new fathers will, when he said "she's gorgeous" but really, look at the little video I linked to and you will agree that this girl is, in fact, gorgeous. If she wasn't a baby AND related to me I'd probably be wicked jealous.)

So anyway, Bridgette and Gretchen. Good names, right? Not very similar though. It might surprise you to know that if someone doesn't remember my name is Gretchen nine times out of ten they will call me Bridgette. It's really the most amazing thing. And I always look at them, like, how in the WORLD did you get Bridgette out of Gretchen? But now, I'll just smile and say, much like Flower in Bambi, "You can call me Bridgette if you want to." Cuz who wouldn't want to be confused with such a little bundle of preciousness?

I'm thrilled about my new little niece! And I hope she likes being called Gretchen as much as I like being called Bridgette!