This blog is about anything I think is funny. B of All, this blog is about the adventures of being single in Washington DC. C of All, this blog is about fashion faux pas, pop culture, and the pursuit of a really good hot dog.
They say that when you don't feel like praying, that's when you should get right down on your knees and pray until you FEEL like praying.
In my opinion, the same goes for parties.
(Especially parties of the New Year's Eve variety. Le sigh. I'm glad you're back from the cleaners, Sequined Top, I need you now more than ever. Dick Clark's siren song is particularly strong this year.)
All told I read 77 books this year. When I first counted them up I thought to myself, "SEVENTY-SEVEN!? That seems a little low for someone who spent a hell of a lot of time with her nose in a book!"
But then I remembered that there are only 52 weeks in a year, meaning that on average I read 1.48 books per week.
Accordingly, I jumped up and ran four or five victory laps around my coffee table.
So which of the Seventy and Seven were the best?
I'm glad you asked. I've done a lot of hemming and hawing over which books I liked the best, and basically it came down to the ones that really stuck with me. There's a precarious balance between reading something you're comfortable with and something that pushes the boundaries of convention to achieve something really remarkable. For me, these were the books that really captured me.
An honorable mention goes to The Myth of You and Me, by Leah Stewart, as the only book that I read twice this year. (Quite by accident. I just really like it, so I'll pick it up every so often.) I recommend this book if you have ever had a best friend that you don't talk to anymore. And even though said friend could be accurately described as a pushy bitch, you find yourself dreaming about her a lot and wonder what ever became of her. Those formative years .... they really stick with you. eh?
I hope you had a wonderful reading year too! I'd love to hear what books made your list for the year. Don't hold out on me now.
Since Mustard and I are friends only because of this blog we thought it would be appropriate to celebrate together. So we went to The Ultimate Birthday Place, Chuck-E-Cheese Pizza, and had a pizza-eating and skee-ball contest. I gave it a valiant try, but Mustard ate me under the table with a disgusting One and a HALF pizzas. I don't know where he puts it all.
But. Justice was served when I completely schooled him at skee-ball. And won some flippin sweet jelly bracelets for my trouble.
It's been a good year, Blog dear. I thought I was going to get a little emotional, thinking back over the year and all of the good times we had. But I didn't. Oh well. Maybe next year.
Thanks, internets, for all of the fun times this year! Shall we go for two?
I am not a crafty person. I blame this womanly deficiency on a lot of things, but here are the top five:
lack of patience
inability to draw, cut, sew, or walk a straight line
abhorrence of puffy paint and raffia
a nasty childhood encounter involving yarn, popsicle sticks, and glitter glue
unwillingness to contribute to the ugly craft epidemic the world is suffering from
But every once in a while, I need something and I'll think, "I REALLY don't want to buy that!! Maybe I can just make it." You know I'm serious about not purchasing when I'm driven to say that I'd rather MAKE IT! And this is when my Anti-Craftiness and my Cheapness step into the ring to duke it out.
This time, I needed CD sleeves for the boatloads of mix CDs I'm sending out as my lame excuse for a Christmas present.
I had one of those jumbo packs of blank CDs but I did not have the accompanying jumbo pack of jewel cases or equivalent. And I don't mind telling you that I did NOT relish the thought of purchasing one. It's crap like this that it really drives me crazy to buy. I would much rather be spending that 4.99 on something I can really enjoy like a pair of earrings or a Wendy's Single combo meal.
What I needed was a cheap solution and whenever I need cheap solutions I cast my mind back to college when I inexplicably lived like a queen on $300 a month. In college, I had a phase where I refused to purchase envelopes. This was before email, people, when we actually needed envelopes from time to time. So instead of buying envelopes my Sophomore self made them from magazine pages and a roll of tape. It was fun to flip through mags and pick advertisements with interesting images that would add a little extra something to my letter. And I thought, "Voila! What if I make CD sleeves from magazine pages!"
So I did, and they turned out pretty cute, if I do say so myself. Here are the results:
Aren't they cute? Let's take a closer look at a couple of them.
This Dewey Cox ad screams Album Cover to me.
Notice how the title of the story "When Stars Record" looks like the title. PERFECT! By the way, if you've got sharp eyes you might recognize Demetri Martin and David Cross.
This one is Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward ... so suitable for an M. Ward CD don't you think?
Here I added a cute "Hello My Name Is" sticker with the name of the album. But you can just write on it with a Sharpie if you prefer.
I thought this Hershey's one was crazy cute! So good if you're making a "Sorry I'm a loser, let's be friends again" CD.
And just LOOK at how CUTE the CD is peeking up from the top.
I could give you instructions, but basically it comes down to: tear, fold, tape. If you have opposable thumbs you should be able to manage it. I did.
I love top 10 lists, and I'm sure you all do too. To me they are the best thing about the end of the year. They must be the best thing, because the best thing certainly isn't trying to figure out what to do for New Year's Eve. That's the worst thingl!! Anyway, because you all care SO MUCH about my preferences and opinions I'm sharing my Top 10 songs of 2007.
These aren't necessarily songs that came out in 2007 ... but they are songs that I couldn't get enough of during 2007. And I'd find myself popping them into the CD player over and over again. I've linked to the music whenever I could find it.
10. Paper Planes - by M.I.A. (genre: electronic/dance) This one snuck in right at the end of the year, and actually made a lot of critical lists for top song/album. When it starts you're thinking, "Oh cool, nice Clash sample" and you're cruising along snapping your fingers and doing the White Man's Overbite until SUDDENLY there's an awwwwesome gunshot sample. And then I'm all conflicted because I want to be against gunshots during a song because it's a little too gangsta for me, but DAMN it's catchy. Take a listen and see if you don't agree.
9. Chinese Translation - by M. Ward(genre: sedation rock) If you've got any rage in your life you need to become acquainted with M. Ward. His crooning will sweep all of your troubles right under the rug. One song of his is the equivalent of a 50 CCs of morphine. Chinese Translation kept finding it's way into my earbuds this year since I had a LOT of rage to deal with. Thanks M. Ward for keeping me out of rehab.
8. Sexyback - Justin (i heart you) Timberlake (videolink)(genre: hip hop) I want to bow down before JT and chant "I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!" Everything he put out this year was excellent. I liked them all. But Sexyback wasn't just a song, it was a revolution. I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here.
7. Clumsy - Fergie (videolink)(genre: Pop) Ahh, The Duchess. I liked pretty much everything off of her album, but I've really been into Clumsy. That chorus is just so darn singable! And as a klutz myself, I can really relate to this song. Except for the falling in love part. I usually just fall on the pavement. And the stairs. (As a side Fergie note, there should probably be a countdown of how many times this year I said "So Delicious" a la Fergalicious ... I said it a lot. That Fergie ... she's a trendsetter.)
6. Stronger - Kanye West (genre: hip hop) Ok, Ok. Before you stop reading this list in disgust, let me just put a disclaimer out there. I originally thought this song was by Jay-Z, who I think we can ALL feel good about worshiping as the hip hop god that he is. When I found out that this song was in fact by Kanye I threw up a little bit in my mouth, since I basically hate him. But it was too late ... I was already in love with this song. And can you blame me?? For all of Kanye's "I'm the best artist in the world while simultaneously being the biggest *&%*#bag in the world" ranting, this is a pretty damn good song.
(And ... if you want to feel like you are really un-dexterous and you have 3:44 minutes to spare you should watch this video. But don't watch it if you are already self-conscious about your manual dexterity.)
5. I'm Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance - Black Kids (genre: Alternative/electronic) I haven't quite figured out how all of the gender pronouns fit, but it's catchy and has a great beat. And I like the moral: Don't help competition. It doesn't get you anywhere but home on your couch with a pint of Chunky Monkey and a sappy chick flick DVD. That's a lesson I should have learned about 10 years ago.
4. A Postcard to Nina - Jens Lekman (genre: Alternative) There's something about the Swedes and me this year. I really got into them. And I LOVED this song by Jens Lekman. There's a part right before the chorus where it sounds like everything slips off kilter for a second in a waaaOOOO sound. It's crazy. I love it.
3. The Crane Wife 1 & 2 - The Decemberists (genre: Alternative) Basically, I love everything The Decemberists put out, but I seriously obsessed over this song this year. It combined two things I really have a passion for: folk tales and vocabulary. These guys always use great words to help weave their story-like songs, like palanquin(!), but this song was kicking great words like "fontanelle" and "keening bell". My dictionary got a real workout. It is, in a word, brilliant.
2. Red Rabbits - The Shins (genre: Alternative) From the Wincing the Night Away album, The Shins always put out kooky and catchy songs. But one line in this song kept me coming back for more. "We've pissed off far too many sprites/And they're all standing up for their rights". I just really liked that line.
1. Young Folks - Peter, Bjorn & John(videolink)(genre: Alternative) Feeling a little less than your usual peppy self? Wish you could whistle along to a great rock song? Well, well, Young Folks is the song for YOU! Just throw this song on and before you know it, you're life will basically be awesome. It's just that good.
I hope you enjoyed my list. Let me know what you loved this year! If you post it on your own blog ... send me the link!
Pull out your nearest map of the United States. Locate the East Coast. Now put your finger about halfway up the coast. That's where I live, in Washington DC. Now slide your finger all the way across the Ohio River Valley, the Great Plains, the Rocky Mountains, and the radical socialist compounds of Northern Idaho all the way up to the upper left of the United States. That's where most of my family lives.
Pretty far, eh? But in this age of air travel it isn't like I have to spend a week in a steam engine or a couple of months on a wagon train to visit Ma and Pa. Nope. Nowadays it only takes about $400 and six hours to go 3000 miles.
Unless, of course, you factor in all of the non-air travel to get where I'm going:
Traffic to the airport and parking (add 2 hours)
Security (add 1 hour)
Layover (add 1 hour, if you're lucky)
Waiting for baggage (add 1 hour)
Drive to The Parents home situated distantly (albeit scenically) on an island in the Puget Sound (add 2 hours)
Now we're talking about a solid 12 hours of travel ... all at the busiest, grumpiest time of the travel year. So this year I told my family that they better take a good look at me during Thanksgiving because I wasn't coming home for Christmas.
Given that everyone I know was going to be gone for Christmas I was mildly concerned about getting bummed out here all by myself. So not one to mope around I made a list of things that I could do.
Put together a Christmas Card
Repack my Grandmother's China (which has been spread all around my bedroom for about 10 months. Maybe longer. I've lost track.)
Refold all of my sweaters and stack them by color
Clean my house
Get some last minute Christmas presents
Do some mending ... Holey Socks Be GONE!
Take that stack of unwanted clothes to the donation bin
Go the the National Cathedral
Go see the Temple Lights
Good list, right? Pretty productive. You'll be interested to hear that I have completed approximately none of these things.
Instead this is what I have been doing with my time.
Reading (surprise, surprise.)
Went to see Atonement (way better than the book, mainly due to James McAvoy's unbridled hotness) and National Treasure (Nick Cage's smokers voice didn't ruin this movie. I was glad.)
Went to the Gym (!) TWICE(!!!)
Investigating new music and looking up top 10 music lists
Eating chocolate chocolate-chip cookies
Sleeping. A lot.
Making DELICIOUS Christmas Chipotle-Shrimp Enchiladas. BEHOLD the Deliciousness of my traditional Christmas Dinner:
Watching the last 10 minutes of a series of Lifetime Christmas movies, making me cry.
Watching the Will & Grace Christmas episode, making me laugh.
Good times, eh? But all solo activities. After 4 days of Me Time I was starting to worry that I was turning into a bit of a hermit. I had to get out of the house. And I had to talk to someone. I was in danger of being monumentally bored. Not to mention being a total Christmas loser.
So I called my favorite Jewish friend up and said, "Hey, I've spent all morning celebrating Christmas the Christian way by putting on all of my new clothes at once and riding my new bicycle around the neighborhood. But do you want to celebrate Christmas the Jewish way with me this evening?" Of course, he said "Heck, yes!"
So we met later to go to the movies and then joined the rest of the Jewish population of Silver Spring at the Asian Bistro for Chinese food. I explained to him the meaning of Christmas, and how it's the season of love and giving and please don't love us or give us anything if it isn't Christmastime. He explained that to Asians all white people look the same, which was why our server kept forgetting about us and we had to keep asking for things. I told him about how Christmas came to be celebrated in December instead of in the Spring. And he told me about how the Jews gave Christians Christmas because Jesus was a Jew and all. Then we argued about which came first Chanukah or Christmas. I diverted the argument by saying, "Maccabees-schmackabees. Does it really matter? What matters is that you're the Jew that saved Christmas." And he said, "Yeah. Good point. We're a very helpful people."
It was an evening of great cultural and religious understanding. As well as an evening full of friendship and MSG. Just as Christmas should be.
