Tuesday, October 28, 2008

An Unhappy Equation

Traveling for two weeks, eating craptacular hotel food, and feeling like I should get dessert at every meal because, you know, its not like I'm paying for it, has turned me into the pudgy blob version of my cute self.

Your basic tranny crack ho can tell you that drastic bingeing can only be combated by drastic purging.

And so, I regret to tell you that for the next two weeks I will be on a diet. My entire life philosophy revolves around getting whatever I want whenever I want it. So being deprived of the food I want makes me very cranky. Being cranky means that I will also be UN-funny, UN-patient, UN-full, and generally UN-happy. I will just go ahead and add UN-blogging to the list now because its impossible to find anything post-worthy unless my tummy is full of carbohydrates.


Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Our House is Officially Warmed

I know I haven't been writing lately, but it's been a whirlwind over here people. A WHIRLWIND!

To get an idea take five hotel rooms, two trips to IKEA, a million home improvement chores, 65 spreadsheets, one clandestine clothes shopping trip, one very well attended and super fun housewarming party, two over-conditioned ballrooms, three parking tickets, and one life changing bowl of ice cream and put them all in a giant blender. Blend for two weeks on SUPER FREAKING FAST and you'll have an idea of how things have looked from my point of view.

The highlight of last week was definitely our housewarming party. I was planning on taking you all on a photo tour of the post-renovations house. I thought I'd take advantage of its clean pre-party state to take some pictures for the tour. Dutifully I started snapping away but somehow got derailed taking pictures of the party food instead. I'm not sure how that happened - but we had a LOT of yummy looking food.

So instead of a tour you get a Housewarming Party food/fun breakdown. I'm sharing the food pictures with you (instead of the more interesting people pictures) because its still lingering around the house tempting me, and I shouldn't be the only one suffering here. Man cannot live on pie alone -- although it appears that I'm trying.

Delicioso cupcakes with sprinkles! Spicy Cream Cheese/Chile roll ups! Brie with walnuts/cranberries/apricots covered with CARAMEL!! Yes! And Please!

Honeycrisp -Holy Moley This is The Yummiest Apple EVER - Apples! Walnuts schmalnuts. And dried Apricots. You know, for the sugar intolerant. A good hostess always thinks of the less fortunate when party planning.

Candy dishes were sprinkled around like this one so a Reeces was never more than 3 feet from you at any given time. Aren't we the most thoughtful party planners evah!

Somehow I didn't manage to take any pictures of the food in the kitchen. But we had pie, pie, more pie, some Brie, and a crazy Mormon Punch concoction made out of Papaya Juice and Sprite served in a Punch Bowl thankyouverymuch. I called it Papaya Punch, cuz it was fun to say.

I had a great time and I think most of our guests did too. At least there weren't any cat fights and no one except these guys stormed out swearing -- pretty typical for them. So that's probably a good indicator.

See you soon with a full bodied tour of our charming casa!

Friday, October 10, 2008

My Awesome New Hair Cut

So let's review. This was my hair for the last year or two:


Its a little Farrah a little Heidi but a whole lotta hassle. I just couldn't do it anymore! I needed to embrace my inner straight-haired girl. I love me some curls but for me curls require product + heat + patience + a can of extra hold hairspray. I can't be that high maintenance anymore.

So I decided to do what they say on all of those makeover shows and "work with your hair." Here's the new cut and color (don't you just LOVE the color? I have no idea why I'm the only kid in my family not to have awesome dark hair naturally. I got stuck with golden brown. BOR-ING!)

First of all, I have to say that this cut is for real the easiest to do of ANY hairstyle I've ever had. That includes perms. I seriously just wash it, and dry it and try to make sure I don't dry the bangs sticking up funny. From beginning to end its like 4 minutes. No lie. My snooze button will be seeing a lot more of me now.

One of the other best things about this cut is its versatility!

Want it a little more casual? No problemo ... I just sweep it to one side and Voila!

Dry those bangs funny? Or not feeling bangy that day. A single bobby pin will suffice.

Need a wig to rob a bank in? This look is also included.

Here's the casual, I'm just going to throw my hair up into a pony tail, but still look totally cute look and all you people can just be jealous of me and my casual but perfect style.

And how does it look after a day of running around doing errands and cleaning? Like this:


I don't have to keep fluffing or scrunching or spraying or flipping to make it look cute. IT JUST LOOKS CUTE. PERIOD.

At last I am content.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Wherin I Cheat Death and Subsequently Go On A Date With Placido Domingo

Ok guys, so it's been like a coon's age since I wrote, but I was in Ann Arbor for work last week and AA is like so BLAHsville. There's nothing there but bad cream sauce and florescent lighting. Nothing post-worthy about that. So unless I tell the story about the emergency nap I had to take in one of the file rooms because I was almost bored to death there's not much to report.

But now I'm back in DC and already life is back to its technicolor glory.

For example, I put on my Snooty-Snoot duds last night and went to the Opera at the Kennedy Center. I won't bore you with details about it. Even though Placido Domingo was our host and conductor for the evening and was utterly charming. And you probably wouldn't care that the sets were so astonishing the audience literally burst into applause for them. And it would be super boring to tell you about how the just-starting-out performers who were part of Placido's super-student school were peeing their pants with excitement at performing La Traviata at The Kennedy Center. And how I was so excited for them because I just knew that they were going to run backstage after the show and call their moms to tell them that they had justgottenaSTANDINGOVATION fromasoldouthouse At. The. KENNEDY CENTER -SQUUEEEEEEEEE!!!!

That all could be a little dull to report. So I'll just get things back into the proper focus (which is on me of course) and say that I seriously love saying things like, "I'm going to the Opera at the Kennedy Center tonight." Because how many people really get to go to the Kennedy Center for their opera? Its totally famous and on TV and stuff! And its def not in Ann Arbor (no disrespect AA, k? love you!)