Thursday, December 31, 2009

The Holiday Before The Holidays

It was such a great trip, it has taken me almost an entire month to even attempt to tackle blogging about it. Seriously, when you are gone for 15 days seeing millions of new/interesting/humorous things each day deciding how you are going to blog about it is quite overwhelming. Actually, I don't think it can be done.

In an attempt to keep this short, and keep the tiny flame called "interest in blogging" alive a bit longer I'll just offer a couple of thoughts and observations.

  1. I do not like being places where I don't speak the language. Although everyone in Paris was WAY more friendly in the face of my bad French than I had expected, I really didn't like not being able to communicate. As far as communication strategies go, my "sil vous plait (point point) merci (eye batting) " approach worked well and got me what I wanted (with a few extra treats on the side). But next time, I'm going to rely on more than my High School French to see me through.
  2. In Barcelona, we went to see the Sagrada Familia cathedral. Looking at the pictures of this place I didn't think I would like it ... but I LOVED IT! I think what I loved the most about it is that it is still under construction.
  3. It is a truth universally acknowledged that I need to spend a significant amount of both time and money in Rome. I am starting the vacation day and dollar stockpiling now in preparation.
  4. Turkey is a surprising place. Rug weaving is way more interesting than it sounds. Shepherds still have full time jobs there. It's Greek ruins are WAY better than Greece's (ironically).
  5. Egypt has a serious trash problem.
  6. Egypt also has a serious pushy street vendor problem.
  7. On Malta (which was the shining star of the whole trip) I decided that I would start a bucket list. So far my bucket list has one thing: Visit the Blue Grotto.

So, all in all, it was a wonderful trip! Happy to be home, and happy to be heading into a New Year!

Happy travels in 2010, everyone!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

My Itinerary

My life is about to be AWESOME.


Be jealous of me.

I deserve it.

You can be jealous of Mustard too. He's coming along. We will post updates if we are able.

Bon Voyage!

(PS. You can click on the picture to see it bigger.)

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Funny Ha-Ha, or Funny Sad?

Thursday night I had a wardrobe malfunction. I had a client dinner, a very important client dinner, and I wanted to look extra nice. So I brought a fancy dress to work to change into before the dinner.

Unfortunately, this particular dress doesn't have the most reliable zipper in the land. And I tugged and tugged. And sucked in my ribcage, and tugged some more. But no luck. The zipper stayed stuck about 4 inches from the top.

So I asked a co-worker to help. And she tugged and tugged. And I sucked and sucked. But still no luck.

A third co-worker joined in the fray. One pulled, one tugged, and I sucked. But still ...

Four. Damn. Inches.

Finally, I cried uncle. That zipper wasn't going anywhere.

With only 20 minute till dinner, I had two choices:

1. Run to the mall and buy the first dress I saw.


2. Fake a sprained or broken arm and keep my left arm pinned to my side for the entire night. (I had a camisole on underneath so it wouldn't have been entirely obscene.)

I went back to my desk, a little heartsick. My carefully laid wardrobe plans in shambles at my high heeled feet.

And there, at my desk, nestled amidst some sticky notes and a stack of scratch paper I spied my stapler.

As I hefted it in my hands I thought, "hmmm. Could I?"

I looked at the 4 inches of camisole.

I considered the longterm damage staples would do to a silk dress.

I shrugged. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

Then, wincing a little, I sucked in my ribcage, and stapled that damn dress shut.

Now that I've been stapled into my clothes I expect my luck is over and I'll have to start breaking my heels doing everyday things and have to use chewing gum to glue them back together. Or close ripped seams with multi-colored binder clips. Or, hell, maybe I'll even have to make a mini-dress woven entirely from paper clips. Those are just the kinds of things enterprising city girls have to learn to do, and I've been lucky for way too long.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Wherin I Had No Plans

I had nothing special to do last weekend. Which was why I found myself wandering around the National Portrait Gallery Saturday morning, trying to figure out if I don't like portraits (which I don't) and I don't like landscapes (nope) what kind of art, exaaaaactly, do I like (anything modern with lots of color). Fortunately Camie saved me from some serious Art Introspection by texting to ask if I wanted to go to Philadelphia for the wild girls weekend. Our friend Anna had a conference there this week and we thought, Hey! What are friends for if not to share their hotel rooms with?

So we promptly got some roadtrip snacks (twizzlers and my new favorite chocolate covered pretzel chips) and headed off with Anna for our Philadelphia adventure.

And, boy, did we have many adventures!

But the most exciting adventure was stumbling onto the "Parade of 1000 Rockys" at the Philadelphia Museum of Art. There was a boxing ring. There was free cheesesteaks. There was a Rocky look-a-like contest (which sadly we missed). But most importantly, there were free black and gold boxing robes that said, "Italian Stallion" on the back and "Rocky" on the front.

You better believe we muscled our way to the front of the line that was giving those robes away.

Here's Camie modeling it with her best "You betta watch yo ass, Mr. T" look.

We both put our robes on and milled around with the other Rockys at the foot of the museum while we each ate one of the free cheesesteaks. In case you're considering eating a free cheesesteak entirely cooked and assembled on the street and you're wondering how it would taste, let me offer this analysis: It is equally delicious and disgusting. If you don't think about it you could probably really enjoy it.

Either way, wearing our Rocky robes at the Museum of Art while simulteously eating a cheesesteak was a very quintessential Philly experience. An experience that could only be topped by wearing a Rocky boxing robe while taking a Rocky-esque picture in front of the Rocky statue. Now THAT is true blue Philly.

And the best part about it all is that now I have next year's Halloween costume all ready!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Halloweeny Time

My new strategy for making sure every activity I undertake is SUPER FUN is to have very low expectations going into it.

That was the situation I found myself in this Halloween. Tired and worn out after a long and hectic week traveling and working my typing fingers to the bone, the last thing I wanted to do on a misty Saturday night was come up with a cute/clever/cheap costume and go be perky at a party.


But when you're a single gal livin in the big city, sometimes you just HAVE to go out and have fun. There is no choice. Gosh! My life is super hard sometimes.

So Camie helped me brainstorm costume ideas and for 85% of the day I thought I'd go as a bag of jelly beans (clear plastic bag with colored balloons inside). But then I figured it would be difficult to drive anywhere in and even more difficult to drink Diet Coke in. So obviously, I had to nix that idea. And besides I didn't have any of the materials. So at the last minute I decided I'd be a Wind-Up Doll.

When we reached our destination I asked Camie to help me to attach my Key, and gave my camera to a very drunk Bryan to take a picture once we were all situated.

What resulted was a photographic flip-book of me tying my key on, of me holding my purse between my legs, of me looking behind me to see if that key would stand up straight, etc.

This picture is # 15 of 17 taken at 9:35PM.

Bryan was, hmm, How you say? Shitfaced? Yes. Yes, that's exactly what he was. It usually takes me a minute to catch on when people are drunk so I was glad when he got to my house, told me the same story 3 times in a row, stage-whispered, "I'm REALLY Drunk!", and then fell down our stairs as we left. That cleared it right up for me.

But we made it to my other friend Clark's AMAZING Halloween party without any trouble, and promptly started doing The Monster Mash. Clark is reknowned for his Halloween parties. In fact, I'd been thinking I'd throw my own Halloween party this year, but when Clark called to tell me to save the date I immediately cancelled my party and invited my attendees to go with me to his.

I mean, any party where you experience the following things is A-OK by me:

* A reading of Poe's "The Raven"
* A room with a cozy fire where people could talk in a civilized way about uncivilized things
* Excellent music including lots of MJ, Lady Gaga and Journey.
* Jesus in Sunglasses (I think he was supposed to be The Dude, but it just came off as Jesus)
* Snacks GALORE (and good ones too, not just candy. Lil Smokies in the HOUSE!)
* A lapdance by a gay cop (I think I brought this on myself since I mentioned that he looked like a stripper)
* A guy in a hot dog costume who, good-naturedly, let me call him The Biggest Weiner At The Party all night long
* A Kiss from the cutest party crasher at the party

That little line up equals PARTY SUCCESS!!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Falling for Capitol Hill

Today is one of those perfect Fall days. The kind of day where all you need is a cardigan, a scarf and your sunglasses. Brisk and bright and beautiful.

I've lived in Capitol Hill for just over a year now, which means I've had the chance to see it in every season. After careful analysis and debate I have decided that Fall is the season that looks best on Capitol Hill. This could be because the general color palette of CapHill is fall-ish. Lots of brick reds, muted golds, and browns. Or it could be because like the leaves collecting in the gutters, Capitol Hill as a whole is slightly decaying. Nevertheless, Fall really becomes this charming old neighborhood. I took advantage of the beautiful weather today to take a walk around Eastern Market and the neighborhood to snap some photos.

When people ask me why I commute to Virginia to work, I will just show them these pictures. That should clear it right up.

Hello World

For the past year Camie and I have been leeching the Internet off of our unsuspecting neighbors. While financially savvy of us, this meant that we didn't have the most reliable internet access. One by one our neighbors got wise and locked it down, and us out.

For the past few weeks we've been unable to do much internetting at home. If one of us is miraculously able to connect, the other would jump on too, and then next thing you know someone is screaming, "STOP HOGGING THE INTERNET!" That usually spiralled down into hair pulling or stomping off in a huff to break some priceless keepsakes. It wasn't pretty.

So one night our laptops were off, and we were watching TV when a Verizon commercial came on. For $29.95 we could have reliable, twenty-four hour a day internet in our lives. And Camie turned to me and said, "Really? We've been holding out on getting internet for $15 a month?" And I shook my head in disbelief and said, "So it seems, my friend, so it seems."

Of course, we remedied the situation right away. Now we're set up with some internet of our own, and you better believe we locked that sucker down. I don't want other cheap-o girls siphoning off our internet power and getting all of their hair torn out.

I am now free to roam where I please for as long as I please. So with all of the Internet before me, these were the first places I went:

1. Facebook. Here I learned that a yellow bag is a conversation starter, and that I have a very close friend who dresses his dog up in dog clothes. (Imagine if I hadn't discovered that online, and had seen it in person!? GAH! The mocking would have been merciless and could have lost me my friend. Thank goodness for Facebook!!)

2. Hulu: to watch this week's episode of Glee. Lots of funny bits in this episode, but I particularly liked the part where Finn was reluctant to thow a slushee on Kurt because he "knows how particular he is about his skin care regimen" and then when after being slushee'd Kurt cries, "Somebody get me to a day spa STAT!" I really love this show!

3. My brother's blog to get the latest picture of my neice. Who, if you aren't aware, is a budding fashionista and nobel prize winning scholar. Just like her Aunt. Here she is looking super glam with an assortment of bags.

4. The DC Public Library website. I was hoping to put the new Alcatraz vs The Evil Librarians book on hold. Alas, they've re-done their website. And in true DC style neglected to put a link on it to the Catalog. Pssst, Website designers, A link to the catalog is SLIGHTLY essential. (morons.)

Yes, Internet, I've missed you. I've missed having you at my beck and call to look up whatever takes my fancy at the moment. I've missed the random bits of news and the zaniness you offer at every click. And who knows now that we're hooked up perhaps I will be more vigilant about blogging. That could very well happen, friends. It could very well happen.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

For Maria

My good friend Maria is getting married to Clark next weekend. That's the good news.

She's moving to Raleigh, because apparently when you get married you have to actually live with your spouse. And Clark lives in Raleigh. That's the bad news. (the moving, not the living.)

So to honor/embarrass her I put together this little video montage. It premiered at a little going away bar-b-que we had last night. But since many of you who know and love Maria weren't able to be there, I've posted it here.

And if you don't know or love Maria, I'm sure you will after you watch this video. She's just too darn adorable to resist!

Monday, May 25, 2009

As Seen In My Travels

One thing you may not know about me is that these days I spend all of my work travel time in a small middle-of-nowhere town in Kentucky. It's a nice little town and the parts not covered in fast food restaurants and bait shops is very quaint.

Quaintness should not be confused for interestingness, or bizarreness, or oddness. All in all it's kind of a bland place. Not that that's a bad thing. I've come to grips with the fact that I'm not likely to see a man in a pink sweatsuit with a pink sparkle scarf and pink platform heels strolling down Main Street as I so often do at home. I was prepared to think that fourteen antenaes stuck to the top of a truck was the height of crazy around these parts. Or so I thought.

Apparently, Kentucky likes to keep their interestingly bizarre oddities out of the city limits and on the shoulder of deserted windey mountain freeways.

Friday afternoon I was driving to the airport through the KY mountains --

just to be clear, I'm calling them mountains because they are large hills that the rented Ford Focus struggled to go up and down; but am not to confusing them with REAL mountains that would turn that Ford Focus back to the flatlands of Kansas in tears

-- when I crested a hill and BEHOLD! there, on the other side of the road stood a man in a Gorilla suit holding a sign that said "Monkey Love" in big red lettering.

What the Whaaa?

I looked about to see if there was a pet store or strip club or something he was promoting; no, nothing but trees and fake mountains as far as the eye could see.

I looked to see if he was hitchhiking; no, there was no monkey thumb or destination written on that Monkey Love sign. And what kind of person would pick up someone wearing a gorilla suit? That's a slasher movie waiting to happen!

I looked to see if there was any explanation at all why someone would be in a gorilla suit at 3 o'clock on a Friday afternoon in the middle of the nowheresville Kentucky mountains. As far as I could see there was none.

But that didn't make it any less awesome! And I tipped my cap to Kentucky for showing me that I should not just assume it's brand of wackos is any less ostentatious than those I am used to dealing with in DC. Well played, Kentucky. Well played.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Another Voice Mail From My Dad

Speaking of tightwad skinflints, your name came right to the top!

Have you noticed that if you go to your computer and type Oprah slash KFC and print you a coupon for a Free Kentucky Fried meal you get TWO pieces of grilled chicken TWO individual sides and a biscuit for NOTHING ... WITH JUST THAT COUPON????!?

I thought you'd like that.


Am I a lucky daughter or what? My Dad really knows what makes my day! I will do just about anything for free food. Free Scoop Day at B&J's? There. Free Slurpee Day at 7-11? There. Flap-jack Friday Free Breakfast? TOTALLY THERE!

NB: word on the street is that this is one of those limited time thingies.

PS and PNB: It was kind of a shizzy day with the rain and the traffic and the practically passing out on the treadmill. This voicemail was a real beacon of joy in the otherwise miserable news my blackberry has been passing along all day. Thanks Pop! And Thanks Oprah slash KFC!

Thursday, April 30, 2009


Ok, so its kind of lame to blog about mundane aspects of your life, but really I don't have much else going on right now. It's all I can handle to work 10 hours a day (loving it all the way!), feed myself, and get an appropriate amount of sleep. Exciting wackadoodle adventures aren't on the agenda.

With such a regimented and, let's face it, boring schedule I have to take my victories where I can. Which is why I'm SUPER proud of myself for the following things:

1. I woke up at 6 AM and went jogging around Lincoln Park this morning.

2. I jogged 3 miles in 28 MINUTES!! If you're bad at math like me, that means I was running under a 10 minute mile! I don't know how much under cuz that math is too hard, but UNDER!!!

3. I made myself breakfast before heading off to work.

4. My breakfast was AWESOME!!! I scrambled two eggs with a tad of buttermilk, some rosemary and salt & pepper. For real peeps, I've never been into eggs that much but I could eat these every day!!!

And to top it all off, I was at work by 8:30. (cue the angelic chorus)

Now let's see if I can manage to not mess up what is starting out to be a pretty amazing day.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


I just learned two new vocabulary words that are so awesome they will definitely be making regular appearances in my regular speech.

Mandals : Sandals for men.

Used in a sentence:
Jorge, it may be open season on mandals, but don't even think about wearing them until you get your scaggy feet pedicured.

Sweatsedo : The fanciest and tuxedoy-est of all sweat suits.

Used in a sentence:
Armand are you wearing your sweatsedo for the apartment-complex-championship badmitton finals? You should.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Farewell Pizza Friday

So the best thing about my former job was Pizza Friday. (FYI, I now have newer and awesomer job that I love so much I don't even notice the 10 hour days. If you're keeping score at home, that's about 7 hours more a day than I've been used to working.)

So Pizza Friday was the best!! It was easily the coolest perk of the entire company. Every other Friday they'd bring pizza in for the whole office. This was a highly ritualized experience, and May the Hammer of Thor protect you if you dared to break the rules, which are these:

  1. Line up OUTSIDE of the break room until all of the pizzas and sodas have arrived and have been arranged.
  2. DO NOT enter the break room until the Official Go Ahead has been given.
  3. DO NOT schedule the large conference room during Pizza Friday time thereby causing everyone to have to eat at their desk and be lame.
  4. Bring your most outlandish stories and Office Space quotes to make the dining experience more fun.
  5. No one invite HR or any Execs to eat in the conference room so we can complain at length and talk about how hung over everyone is.
Pizza Friday was the highlight of my life at that job. I started looking forward to it about 30 minutes after finishing my last slice of Tomato & Bacon. So its only fitting that my last day at the office was also Pizza Friday. That scheduling, my friends, was 100% intentional.

So on my last Pizza Friday, I was all set to follow the time honored tradition of lining up and policing the break room door for any wise guys who thought they could sneak in early, when my pal Corey told me I needed to go to the Front Lobby. I was like, "Um, Corey, the pizza is in HERE!" and he was like, "Zip it Girlfriend and come with me to the lobby."

So we went up there. And that's where he unveiled a pizza just for me with a giant G spelled out with pepperoni. It was a sublime moment in my life.

So of course, being the spaz that I am, I squealed like a school girl, and jumped around a little bit. Only to turn around and see every member of the Executive group shooting lasers at me through the glass wall of the Front conference room. Unbeknownst to me they were having some kind of fancy-pants conference call in there.

Whoops! Typical moi, looking classy at every opportunity.

Apparently they didn't think that a G Pizza is worth screaming about. I happen to think they're wrong. Tis but one of the differences between me and executives.

Monday, April 20, 2009

On the Radar

ME: You know if Tim wasn't married, I would swear he is gay. I'm picking up serious gaydar blips from him.

FRIEND: Yeah. Tim's married. (long pause while I continue to try and reconcile the blips with the ring) To STEVE.

ME: OH! Well I must say I'm relieved to hear that. I thought my gaydar was on the fritz!! I used to have zero gaydar and I've worked hard to get some. I'd be really bummed out if it was broken!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Monticello, Kiss a Fellow

So I won't lie, there are a lot of things that rhyme with Monticello but none so fun as "kiss a fellow." Especially because if Spring were a fellow he would have gotten a great big kiss from me for serving up such A-Mazing weather for my day trip to Monticello!

Look at the beauty!!!

Here's the Garden Front:

And here's the view that Thomas Jefferson had from his bedroom window to the mountain behind Monticello (little mountain) called Alto-something-or-other, that means high mountain. Judging from this picture he should have called it Wicked Awesome Tree View Mountain.

And here are some beautiful tulips shown off on the Winding Walk.

And in front of the house, or the Carriage Front, is this amazing old little-leaf linden. Which was offering some very nice shade on such a toasty day.

The last time I visited Monticello it was Fall. And cold and somewhat rainy. Blegh. So take it from me, if you're considering a visit to Monti-C, chose Spring. Definitely Spring.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Ollie's Trolley

I think this place looks like it would have good chili.

Anyone want to come with me and put my theory to the test?

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Don't Call It A Comeback

Are you refreshed? I'm refreshed. Yup. Very, very refreshed.

So refreshed in fact, I think I'll take up this blogging thing again. I've been spending most of my creative efforts in Facebook lately. I'm lovin the Facebook, people! But apparently my pithy little FB Status messages aren't satisfying the 3 people who read this blog. And there's been an outcry.

I thought for sure that my fanbots would have forgotten about my blog during my 2.5 month break, but no! Some real live people are actually still checking it out and want more. No one is more amazed than I.

For example, Pop Hanson left me this voicemail the other day:

We are having a family council and it has been decided that it has been way too long since you've updated your blog. Begin updating forthwith.

Please send money.

Thank you. Goodbye.

(I can always tell when he's means business because he'll use his Business Letter voice. He's very keen on formal communication.)

So I'm back, baby!

Stay tuned for shenanigans and tomfoolery...

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Let Them Eat Frickin Awesome Cake

So January -- or Birthdaypalooza as I call it -- has finally ended.

Wrapping up the fiestas was Camie's birthday on the 31st.

I wanted to do something really great for Camie's birthday, but having to spend the whole week prior to the day out of town really limited the amount of pre-Birthday prep I could do. But I figured that at the very least I could make her a cake.

And I knew just what kind of cake to make. (Twirling the proverbial mustache)

I figured something along these lines would be perfect.

Go ahead and take a look. I'll wait.



Ready? Ok. So clearly the bar has been set pretty high. And I wanted Camie's cake to be just as funny if not funnier than those cakes. But I didn't want it to be gross or real mean. Fake mean was ok, but only if she knew it would be fake mean and not real mean. And I wanted it to tell her that I love her and am super glad she's my best pal and roommate. But didn't want to, you know, flaunt that status in case the other party goers felt a little weird eating a cake with a sentimental greeting written on it. Hello AWKWARD!

Believe me, with all of these feelings to convey striking the right balance in your cake text is trickier than you might think.

Here were the runners-up:

Bite me
I figured this one was too literal

You are Smart, and Funny, and Kind to Animals
But then everyone there would just think I'd written a bunch of lies down. Cake Text should be a distiller of truth.

Shut Up! No YOU Shut Up!
I liked this, but I worried it wouldn't fit on the cake

Sorry You're Soulless

This was good, but it lacked a certain personal touch that would really make it meaningful. So I morphed it to this:

Sorry You're a Soulless Bitch

Except there wasn't enough room on the cake. So I had to rework it. And ended up with this:

Sorry You're Old Bitch

Short. Truthful. And most importantly, it held up a time honored tradition in which I either call her a Bitch or give her cards or presents that do it for me.

And if you think that I'm saying Bitch like its a bad thing, then you should know that under all of that cream cheese frosting is a DROP DEAD AWESOME HOMEMADE Red Velvet Cake. If that don't say Love Ya Like A Brother From Another Mother I don't know what does. Unless its making 34 mini red velvet cupcakes with mini swirls of cream cheese frosting and candles arranged into a giant flaming 34 so every party guest could blow out their own cupcake and make a wish. But wait a minute! I did that too.

Happy Birthday Camie!

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Getting What you Pay For

Earlier today at Eastern Market I thought I'd grab a quick lunch.

ME: Hi! I'd like a 1/4 lb hot dog please.

HOT DOG MAN: Sure. Here you go.

ME: YUM! Thanks a lot!

Hands me my hot dog, and I move to the condiment station to sass it up. Meanwhile a snotty little teenage girl comes up to the hot dog stand.

SNOTTY GIRL to HOT DOG MAN: Are those done yet?

HOT DOG MAN: No. Sorry. There gonna be about 3 minutes.

SNOTTY GIRL: Another guy said they were gonna be 3 minutes. And that was like FIVE minutes ago!



HOT DOG MAN: I'm sorry, but it will be about three minutes.

Snotty Girl walks off in a huff.

Then Hot Dog Man turns to me and says with a big grin: I just gave you her hot dog!

Wherever you are Snotty Girl, I want you to know that that hot dog was EXTRA delicious.

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Wherin I Was There; or The Unending Battle of Short vs Tall

Anything I could say couldn't possibly expand upon the events of this weekend. It was really amazing!

So instead of a thousand words about it, I'll just offer a few pictures.


If I had Binocular Eyes

Somehow our spot in front of the Smithsonian Castle was the designated Tall Person Sanctuary. Shorties like myself had a tough time of it. Well below the tree line, I had to poke my camera up and just shoot. Sometimes I got something good, sometime it was just sky, but all of the time being there was beyond amazing.

It was a bad weekend to be short, but an awesome weekend to be an American.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

What's the Opposite of being too bored to blog?

So sometimes I'm not very good at posting because I'm totally boring and there is nothing of any interest happening AT ALL.

This hiatus has NOT been one of those times.

So much has been happening lately, I'm a little overwhelmed when I think about the 40 or so things I should be creating pithy posts about. I can't even deal with that kind of pressure!

So I post nothing.

But then I'm all in a quandry, because I don't want to forget it, either.

And if I know anything about myself it is that I am a Great Forgetter. I used to be a Great Rememberer, but I think my brain is full. There's no room in the Inn, but stuff keeps getting crammed in there. So now everything is all muddled up and I can't remember what year I did what, or who I was with, or if I've already shared such-n-such story with you twenty times. So I've got to just suck it up and jot it all down.

So really, this post is more for me than for you. Sorry world, I can't entertain you today. I got some 'membering to do.

Gave the funniest White Elephant present: Las Vegas in a Box! Each item had a luggage tag with a picture of the Fabulous Las Vegas sign and a clever little note about the present. Stuff like, "Know when to fold 'em" on the pack of cards. The box had the following stuff:
  • a roulette game
  • pack of cards
  • bridal veil
  • wig & dark glasses (I even got those old man dark glasses - so HOT)
  • a champagne glass
  • a trashy novel to read by the pool
  • a lounge music CD
  • a silk scarf to look the part
Clever, right? I was really excited about this present and thought it would be the toast of the party. But then someone brought a HUGE bottle of Vodka ... and obviously Vegas in a Box cannot possibly compete with vodka.

Christmas was great ... spent it here. The heat went out twice. Brrr-a-la-brrr-brrr.

New Year's was awesome. I went to two parties. I was conspicuous at the first party for two reasons: First, I was the only girl. Second, I was the only straight person. We had a great time, but I made sure to skedaddle before midnight. I wasn't sure what might happen, but I was pretty sure it'd be awkward.

Directly after New Year's the celebrations for my birthday began. I had expected it to be a very low-key year since my birthday was on a Sunday and everyone knows that Sunday birthdays are the Lamest Birthdays of them All. But it wasn't. Not low key at all.

The festivities began on Saturday and just kept on going, and going ...

  • Treated myself to a box of gourmet cupcakes from Hello, Cupcake
  • Treated myself to a big bowl of Tangysweet FroYo
  • Treated myself to the Broadway production of Legally Blonde at the Kennedy Center

  • Treated myself to a lazy day around the house
  • Treated myself to a hot dog/chips/diet coke combo for lunch. (YUM!!)
  • Maria made me a steak dinner
  • Charlene made a riiiiiidiculous Rasperry-Lemon cheesecake

Happily Birthdayed I thought the fun was over.

Wrong. The fun was JUST BEGINNING!

  • Work pals take me to lunch and make a big production with chocolate cake and singing.
  • During lunch they try to convince me to go to drag bingo. "Sounds like fun, but will it help me with my New Year's Resolution to meet straight men?" I ask. Probably not, but still will be fun.

  • Work pals tell the Drag Queens at drag bingo that A) its my birthday and B) I'm Mormon. (As such I was a tiny bit out of place at a gay sports bar).
  • Sang Happy B with my new favorite ladies Shiqueeta Lee and Akasha Cassadine
  • Forced to do a shot (of cranberry juice) to the stomping and cheering of an entire bar
  • Being called to the front to call out the numbers
  • Being generally Heckled and Celebritied all night long
All of us with the fabulous Shiqueeta Lee and Akasha Cassadine.

Camie wanted to through me a party because she hadn't been able to participate in any of the other parties. I was well and truly exhausted by this point, but thought it would be fun to have people over to make decorate cookies and have a quiet night in.

So we did. It wasn't that quiet. But it WAS super fun! Even Mustard decorated one or two.

I never thought turning 34 would be so action packed! I'm pooped.