Monticello, Kiss a Fellow

So I won't lie, there are a lot of things that rhyme with Monticello but none so fun as "kiss a fellow." Especially because if Spring were a fellow he would have gotten a great big kiss from me for serving up such A-Mazing weather for my day trip to Monticello!

Look at the beauty!!!

Here's the Garden Front:




And here's the view that Thomas Jefferson had from his bedroom window to the mountain behind Monticello (little mountain) called Alto-something-or-other, that means high mountain. Judging from this picture he should have called it Wicked Awesome Tree View Mountain.



And here are some beautiful tulips shown off on the Winding Walk.



And in front of the house, or the Carriage Front, is this amazing old little-leaf linden. Which was offering some very nice shade on such a toasty day.




The last time I visited Monticello it was Fall. And cold and somewhat rainy. Blegh. So take it from me, if you're considering a visit to Monti-C, chose Spring. Definitely Spring.

Some Thoughts On My Hotel

I mentioned before that the hotel I stayed in in Las Vegas was AH-Mazing. If I may, let me expound.

This was my bed:


"Hello, MOST COMFORTABLE bed I have ever slept in. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

King-sized, soft, at least 500 count sheets, and perfect pillows. The first night I was there I had a little trouble setting the alarm properly, and when it went off at 4Am, I had to crawl across the vast expanse of the bed to turn it off. Annoying as this could have been, it was really the best thing for me, because up until that point I had not been taking full advantage of The Bed. One thought made it to the surface of my conscious mind: "Oh man, I've gotta DIVE INTO THIS!" and then I did about fifty snow angels and rolled around for a bit, before falling back asleep. The rest of the trip was spent sleeping diagonally with a perma-grin.

Second only to The Bed was The Bath. And more particularly the flat screen TV at the foot of The Bath.
I'm not a huge bath person ... I get bored. After about three minutes of sweeping the bubbles from one side of the tub to the other or arranging them strategically, I'm ready to get out. I can usually entertain myself for another two minutes sticking my big toe into the faucet and trying to turn the knobs with my feet. But really, that's about as far as I can stretch it. It hardly seems worth the effort to fill the tub. But introduce a flat screen TV to the mix, and suddenly problem solved!

(AND! The tub was so deep I wished my butt had some traction strips glued to it so I wouldn't slip down too far and drown. How often is tub drowning even an issue? Like never.)

While we're on the subject of flat screen TVs, well lookee here! It's ANOTHER one!


I don't usually get all Guy about TVs but this one was pretty killer. Plus I could watch it from The Bed, which for me, is the main thing when it comes to TVs.

As far as hotel rooms go this one was tops in my book. It only got better when I returned late one night to see that my neighbor had left his necktie on the door. (One more thing to check off the list of things I've heard about but never actually seen with my own eyeballs. Leave it to Vegas to educate a girl!) That's what this hotel is all about: style, comfort, and respect for your roommate.

Wherin I Get Served by a Kiosk

Don't you just hate it when you go to the airport, and you walk up to the kiosky thing to get your boarding pass, and it has the audacity to tell you that your flight has already departed? And you're all like, "UH, HELLO kiosky thing, my flight doesn't leave until 10:25, and it's like 9:15. So why don't you go ahead and spit out that boarding card, thankyouverymuch."

And then the kiosky thing gets all up in your face and says, "There IS a flight leaving at 10:25, but YOUR reservation was for the flight that left at 6:30. ThankYOUverymuch. Goodbye."

And then your all like, "WHAT-EV-AH ! You're just a brainless kiosk, what do you know? My massive brain distinctly remembers the 10:25 flight. Here, I'll even SHOW YOU that I'm on the 10:25 flight ... " and then you pull out your printed itinerary, all ready to shove it the kiosk's LCD face, when you see that um, .... yes ..... uh ... "Well, even though it SAYS 6:30, clearly someone has been mucking with the reservation since there's NO WAY I'd ever book a 6:30 flight when there was a 10:25 flight available."

oooooouch. That's rough. I hate it when that happens.

Not only is this a stark reminder that I should engage in reading my itinerary from time to time, but also that flying standby can be a real hassle. And also, that I'm an idiot.

It has cleared a few things up for me though.

First, I now know why Orbitz called me with my flight status at 3:30 in the morning. I couldn't figure out why they were calling me 6 hours before my flight ... usually it's only 3 hours.

And secondly, I really need to look into getting a personal assistant to keep track of all of this crap for me. Clearly I can't handle it solo.

I'm off to Vegas on Sunday ... let's hope I can get my head screwed on straight for that trip.

Live from Michigan

I'm so dedicated to bringing you the LATEST in election '08 coverage, I flew to Michigan to be the first to bring you the news of how their Primary turns out. I'm dedicated like that.

I mean, this is probably the most exciting primary since New Hampshire! Like there are some things about delegate seats and boycotting, best-laid retaliation plans backfiring, and not everyone appearing on the ballot. And holy cow Hillary will have back to back wins; a major advantages of being the only Dem on the ballot. It's pretty exciting stuff. And if I cared about politics at all, I would most certainly be out doing some scintillating exit polling.

But I don't.

Let's illustrate ...

Colleague: So when does Maryland have their primary?

Me: {Blank Look}

Colleague: Is it on Super Tuesday?

Me: {Blank Look}

Colleague: February 5th?

Me: Sure. That sounds good.

So no, I'm not here to bring you the second-by-second summary of the Michigan Primary. Politics are not my cup of tea.

Work is my cup of tea. (I actually have some to do! It's a minor miracle!) Consequently, I'm in Michigan as part of a two-week Work Triptacular. First stop, Ann Arbor ... where my brain will be jammed with useful facts and cheerful information. Then home for the weekend to do laundry and repack before scooting off for a week in Vegas, baby, Vegas.

Consequently, posting will probably be light because obviously I can't tell you about the shenanigans I get up to in Vegas. And there are no shenanigans to be had in Ann Arbor.

But I don't want to leave you high and dry. If I can't think of anything interesting to post about I will just do what I always do and exaggerate wildly until the mundane is exciting again. If that fails, I'll just start following politics and turn this into a political blog. Because the world definitely needs more political blogs.

Burried in Boston

Help! Help! I'm stranded in Boston!

I came up for a 1 day seminar and due to the 6 inches (and counting!) of snow that have fallen in the past 4 hours my one day trip is turning into two.

Not only did I only pack enough clothing for one day, entertainment wise I'm really really unprepared to be stranded. I didn't bring my laptop. I didn't bring my cell phone charger (yeah, battery's pretty much dead) so no phone calls. I didn't bring more than one book, I figured I had enough left of the current one to see me through. BIG mistake. BIG. I finished my book last night, and the gift shop doesn't have any books, even of the tawdry bodice-ripper variety. Sure, they've got HBO, but I've already checked the schedule and the only thing on is Ever After, which I just watched from NetFlix like 2 days ago (seriously, WHAT ARE THE ODDS? That movie is like 40 years old. Isn't HBO required to show relatively current content? I do love Drew in that movie though.)

So with no way to entertain myself you know what's going to happen, don't you? I'm going to end up hanging out in the bar with all of the other stranded people, that's what. And we'll probably all start by making small talk about the weather, and what brought us into town and if we'll ever get back home again. And before you know it, we'll be having a gay old time. Ugh. We'll probably end up drinking mulled cider and singing carols around the fire. Then the concierge will take off his jacket and loosen his tie and accompany us the piano, because the normal pianist is stuck on 95. Then as the carols die out since no one can remember the words to Auld Lang Syne, he'll start playing something a little more soothing and we'll all stare out dreamily into the courtyard chatting idly while we watch the snow continue to fall. At about midnight the party will start to break up when someone stands up and says "Well better hit the hay; long day tomorrow" and we'll wander laughingly back up to our rooms where we'll sleep soundly under our hypoallergenic comforters.

Doesn't that sound AWFUL? Don't you feel sorry for me? Socializing!! At Christmas!! Sheesh!

This could be the WORST enforced vacation EVER.

Introducing Mustard Skywalker

Last week when Mustard and I were in Arizona, I sat my slacker family down and said, "Listen. I've been to all of the malls here. Arizona no longer holds any mystery for me. There's only one thing left in this state that I need to see. Tomorrow morning, we're all getting up early and we're going to the Grand Canyon."

"But it's really far!" they cried.

"No matter." I responded coolly. "I've made an executive decision. Mustard, prepare yourself. Tomorrow we're going to the Sky Walk. It's this cool glass bridge that extends, unsupported mind you, out over the Grand Canyon. And it's got a glass floor so you can look down like 4000 feet. It's going to totally freak us out!"

Mustard's little head whipped around so fast he almost twisted off his safety seal, "Did you say Sky Walk?" I nodded. "So once we go on this thing, we will be 'Sky Walkers'?"

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"This is going to be so awesome! Road Trip! .... Star Wars style." And he skated off singing the Imperial March.

"Whatever you say, little dude." I said, rolling my eyes.

Accordingly, we got up bright and early and started out on our trek. Mustard hasn't gone on a road trip before and he enjoyed it. He played the license plate game, and slug bug, but most of all he liked sitting up in the front "with the men".



He loved to watch the GPS navigation map and say, "Stay on target! Stay on target!" And then my brother would chime in with, "UH! But I was going to go down to Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!"

I guess it's because he's only had me to hang out with (and heaven knows I'm no male role model) but he really bonded with my dad and brother. They had all kinds of man talk going on up in the front seat. Football, yard work, power tools. That kind of junk. It was good for him. And I was happy to let them jabber away up there, while I chatted with my mom in the back seat about sophisticated topics such as books and the rockin swing coat I got in Mexico.

Mustard especially took to my dad. Here they are when we stopped for sodas having a veritable father-son talk.


It really was a long drive, and the last TWENTY MILES on a dirt road didn't help any. But we finally arrived at Grand Canyon West.

The Hualapai Tribe runs the show charging a pretty penny, but ultimately delivering an enjoyable experience.

Mustard enjoyed the entertainment provided by this native dancer and flute dude. But he was disappointed that they wouldn't play "Freebird". I had to let him pick out a Dream Catcher from the gift shop before he perked up again.


We boarded a bus to take us to the various vista points: Eagle Point, the Sky Walk, and Guano Point.


For some reason Mustard kept saying "Guano" over and over again. "Guano. Guano. Haha. Guaaanoooo." He is such an idiot.

We arrived at the Sky Walk and had to relinquish ALL of our personal effects before being allowed to go out onto the bridge. But it was seriously cool! It was hard to realize just how high we were, with no cars or people below to put it all into perspective. But occasionally a hawk would be sailing around below and then I'd grip the rail a little tighter and say, "Damn kids, we're like crazy high! If we fell from here we'd definitely die." They don't call me Captain Obvious for nothing.

Here's the Sky Walk ...


It was all very peaceful as we enjoyed the canyon winds and the raw power of the nature below us. Peaceful, that is, until Mustard got out there.

"YOU ARE NOT MY FATHER!!!!" he cried making light saber noises and thrashing around all over the bridge.

"Mustard, what are you doing?"

"I'm fighting the Dark Side, woman!" more thrashing and saber thrusts. "And HELLO!" he paused his slide tackles to tell me sincerely, "My name is now Mustard SKYWALKER!"

Vacation Part Deux

What's this? I'm on vacation AGAIN?!? That's how it goes when you live the vida loca like I do.

This time I've jetted off to Phoenix, AZ for a little Thanksgiving hoedown.

Some notes from my travels today:

• I saw a middle aged woman in a CareBears sweatshirt (not really surprised since I was in the Midwest. I expect that sort of thing there. Just as I expect the scrunchies per capita to go through the roof.)
• I watched my first television show in HD. In my opinion HD reveals more pores than I'm really comfortable seeing. I like my television stars blurry enough to make me feel bad about myself.
• FYI, I am a Majhong GENIUS! 23 games played, 21 games CONQUERED. Would FreeCell dare to enter the ring?

And finally, this isn't technically from today's travel ... but it should be noted. And since I'm talking travel, this is as good a spot as any.

• On the flight down to Cancun last week, the woman I was sitting next to started using her cell phone while we were landing. I realize that while it is against the rules to use your cell phone on a plane it isn't technically the biggest catastrophe you're going to encounter. But if there is ever a time to not use you phone, you know JUST IN CASE something could go wrong, I think during the LANDING would be that time. I'm just sayin.

Happy Thanksgiving travels to you all! I'll be bringing you updates from my stint in the Grand Canyon State.

Today I Am Thankful For

• Seat warmers in the MINI. Most worth-it upgrade ever!
• Swedish Indie-Pop Rock (Jens Lekman and Peter, Bjorn & John HOLLA!!)
• That it's casual Friday so I'm wearing sneakers and my cool new Busted Tees t-shirt. Green is totally my color.
• Lunch is coming up soon. I love lunch. Mostly because that means it's also Diet Coke time.

But as great as a Diet Coke will be, I'm even more thankful that in 24 hours I'll be on my way to Cancun for 5 days on the beach!! You know how I LOVE the beach. And you know how I love partying. And you know how I love laying around reading (which is how I'll be spending my time on the beach between fruity drinks and sand castle building). And I'm sure you can imagine how much I love being on vacation. So maybe if you roll all of these loves into one big giant LOVE BALL you will understand how very, very excited I am to go!

I'm bringing my laptop, and fully intend to do some "blogging from the beach". But if coverage is spotty ... well, I'm sure it won't be my fault. It would never be my fault.

Hasta chicos, nos vemos en Mexico! (No se habla?: See you foolios in lovely Mexico!)

(BTW, I was planning on taking Mustard along ... you know how fun he can be. But I'm not sure I'll share our antics, since y'all thought I was crazy. I haven't decided yet. Persuade me.)

Beach DOs and DON'Ts

Mustard, Maria and I hit the OC beach on Saturday, and it couldn't have been more perfect. It was HOT, like skin-searingly hot. And HUMID, like wear your scuba mask humid. But when you're at the beach, that's just how you like it. That's how I like it anyway.

I'm a Pro Beach Goer. And as a PBG, I'd like to share some do's and don'ts with you. It's my duty to make sure your trip is as awesomely excellent as possible. Not that any trip to the beach isn't going to be great ... I mean, you're at the BEACH! ... but these tips will just make it better for everyone.

The DOs and DON'Ts of The Beach

DO think these waves are MASSIVE for the East Coast.


DON'T be timid getting in. Mustard's such a coward! Dipping his little Mustard toes into the surf like this certainly doesn't declare "Spicy Bold", does it?



DO go wild and get the sauce knocked out of you by that raging surf! (Don't drown though, that would really dampen the entire trip, for you and everyone else.)



DON'T mind people laughing loudly and Nelson-ishly (HA-HA!) at you if you do get pummeled by the surf. I'll admit I laughed at that wuss Mustard, but I shouldn't have because moments later I got rocked myself. Taken down so fiercely my ponytail holder was RIPPED from my hair. Which brings me to my next tip ...

DO bring a spare ponytail holder, as not all of us can be a sexy beach tart with perfectly sun/salt tossled locks.



DON'T linger after romping in the waves, or else that towel hogging punk Mustard will push you off of your own beach mat and hijack your iPod. He's such a little punk!



DO Flirt with the locals. They know all of the do's and don'ts of beach life. ....


DO cover up. Use as much cloth as it takes.


DON'T not cover up. There's no country in the world where backfat is ok.


DON'T ever underestimate the power of matching shoes to anchor a relationship.




DO get a Banana Chocolate Shake from Dumser's. The only thing you'll be sorry about is when it's gone.



... or if you share it with your vacuum-lipped friend, Mustard. You'll be sorry you did that.


DO win stuffed animals from the many carny games up and down the boardwalk. And coordinate them with your outfit.


DON'T wear your daughter's clothing.

Follow these DOs and DON'Ts and you will have as great a time as I did! In my official capacity as a PBG, I guarantee it!

U-G-L-Y, You Got Yourself an Alibi!

In my research on associations, I uncovered a society that definitely merits an entire post dedicated to it, and it alone. I won't waste my time coming up with clever witticisms about this association. The entry in the Encyclopedia of Associations says everything I could and more. Oh so much more. Before you read this, I just want to emphasize that I did not alter this entry in any way (except for removing the contact information.)

Uglies Unlimited (UU)
Founded: 1973
Members: 100
Description: Unattractive individuals who are vexed by discrimination against "uglies." Purposes are to: serve as the guardian of ugly human beings; encourage society and employers to accept people for what they are instead of what they look like; assist members in finding a new self-image. Solicits more exposure for uglies in mass media advertising ("Uglies can sell products too!") Pickets, boycotts, and files complaints with Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Conducts public awareness program. Holds Ugly Stick competition (prizes are awarded by a "select committee of washed-out judges of past beauty pageants.") Compiles statistics.
Awards: Ugly Stick
Frequency: Annual
Type: recognition Recipient: for promotion of discrimination awareness based on appearance. Committees: Ugly Stick competition Conventions/meetings: Annual meeting -- always October. 2007 Oct 23-27, Portland, OR. Avg Attendance: 50.

I'm already booking my ticket. My only question is, if you receive the Ugly Stick is it poor form to use it to beat the living hell out of the person that gave it to you? Because I have an inkling that would be my first impulse. I'm just sayin.

I'm Hooked on Phonics

This weekend I'm heading to Phoenix, AZ. My relations will be running a triathlon. My goals are not quite so lofty:

1. Eat Mexican Food.
2. Bask in the sunshine.
3. Eat as many meals as possible at In-N-Out Burger.

However, I'm secretly hoping to be able to do the following things:

1. Play blackjack on the Res.
   
2. Pan for gold.
   
3. Sneak in and get a massage at the triathlon massage tent.
4. Have a fireworks-filled Sacrament meeting at church. I hear Arizona wards are the craziest.
   

Bon Voyage!

Tulips in the Garden ...

Tulips in the Garden
Tulips in the Park
But my favorite kind of Tulips
Are Two Lips in the Dark

Wowee! The Tuplip Festival in Skagit Valley, WA was a sight to behold! Fields and fields of tulips. All colors, All styles. I'm all about festivals, as you know (here and here), so I couldn't miss a chance for another - and I'm glad I didn't. Here are some selected shots.

Academy Award of Water

AquaDeco crushed the competition for the best packaging at the Berkeley Springs Water Tasting competition. Its hard to tell from this picture, but the bottle to the left is sitting on a stainless steel stand that lights the bottle with pale blue light. To the left is the velvet bag the bottle comes in. The Armenian producers only brought about 12 bottles, all of which were given to judges or other dignitaries before the Water Rush.

Interesting story about this water. Apparently, the bottles are manufactured in Italy. The water is from one of the mountains Moses ascended. I'm not sure which one, but they should pick another spring because it's pretty disgusting.

Disgusting water or not, this bottle was the ultimate status symbol of the night. I will not be surprised if recipients of the Aquadeco bottle have it installed as a hood ornament.

Water Water Everywhere

Saturday morning I got out of bed extra early to drive to Berkeley Spring, West Virgina to participate in the 17th Annual International Water Tasting Festival. After a day of sipping municipal, purified, still, and sparkling, I'll never think of water the same way again!

Submissions from all over the world were divided into 4 categories: municipal (aka tap water), purified drinking, bottled non-carbonated, and carbonated. A panel of 12 journalist judges compared the water based on 4 areas: smell, mouth-feel, clarity, and taste. While the judges were doing their thing, everyone in the audience got to make judgments of their own.


This is the Municipal water table. Entries were submitted in everything from old hooch jugs to pickle jars. There were mostly American and Canadian waters. Some were great - clean, crisp, no aftertaste - some were not so great. The Canadian waters were all very tasty! Of course Colorado water was also delish! Outter Banks and Los Angeles water was a bit chewy. But no surprise there, eh! Municipals were good to start with because the differences between them were varied. It was easy to recognize the four judgment areas, and apply them later with the more subtly nuanced bottled water.

After the Municipals everyone ajourned for the dinner break and came back wearing evening wear. I felt significantly underdressed in a cashmere sweater and jeans. Arthur Von Weisenberger, master of waters, was decked out in a tuxedo. This was serious business! We tasted the still and sparkling waters and picked out our favorites. And then it was time for the awards. While we waited for the awards to be tallied and announced I strategized for the Water Rush. About 500 bottles of water were available for the taking, but with a limited number of my favorite bottles I had to create alliances.




The water was around two columns, as seen above, and I was sitting on the front row smack dab in the center. I enlisted my friend Mery to hit the smaller right column, while I pillaged the other. The left column was larger, and so I made a similar deal with my neighbor to the left. We'd swap booty afterwards and made sure that everyone got what they wanted. This was all out war, and pushing and shoving weren't below the belt. At the end of the day, I had a backpack and a box jam packed with 35 bottles of water. And practically every one has a story or something special about it that will make it hard to drink.

While a little odd, this was one of the funnest events I've ever attended. The people were a little quirky - but everyone was open and friendly. It was refreshing to meet so many unpretentious and down-to-earth people. This is the kind of festival where people come year after year - comparing photos of their kids along with memories of stand out waters from years past. First timers seemed a little unsure at first, but by the end were laughing and chatting with new friends and vowing to attend every year. The entire event was a hoot!

I plan on going back every year.