This blog is about anything I think is funny. B of All, this blog is about the adventures of being single in Washington DC. C of All, this blog is about fashion faux pas, pop culture, and the pursuit of a really good hot dog.
Showing posts with label Recommendations. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Recommendations. Show all posts
In my very educated opinion, I think we are finally coming into a new era of BBC man lust. Mr. Darcy reigned for a solid 15 years as the dreamiest dreamboat to wear breeches, but I think he's just been overthrown by the surly Mr. Rochester. Watch the new version of Jane Eyre, and see if you don't agree with me that Rochester is a hunka-hunka-brooding-manlitude. All of that scowling and grumping around? Yes! And PLEASE!
(If you need more convincing, you should know that he's Dame Maggie Smith's son. And crazy hot when he's had a haircut and is smiling.)
So I've got plans already, but you guys should rent a video this weekend. I've already decided what you should get because I hate it when you guys fight in the movie store - it's so embarrassing! You will rent Lars and the Real Girl!
Think a movie about a man that falls in love with a sex doll isn't for you? Let me assure you that it is. It really is. (That is, if you like love and unrequited love and the possibilities of love combined with quirkiness and bizarre clothing choices and delusions. Then, yes, this movie is definitely for you.)
And just so you don't think I'm a perv - this is rated PG-13 and is completely viewable by sensitive eyes.
So this is what my hair is doing these days: It's long. It's brown. It's kinda a pain.
Which is why I'm so glad I found my new favorite thing: Ojon Rub-Out Dry Cleanser. My hair stylist told me that I shouldn't wash my hair everyday, since all of that styling is just way too damaging to my lovely locks. Unfortunately, not washing everyday introduces a grease factor. In the past I would try to mellow it out by rubbing baby powder through my hair. This isn't such a great approach because it makes me smell like an old woman or a baby's butt (both not what I'm going for), and it generally just ends up a greasy/goopey mess which I have to scrape up into a ponytail anyway.
This is where the Dry Cleanser comes in handy. Because it's DRY. But it still CLEANS. And you just spray it all over your hair and automagically you have clean hair. It's about time the scientists of the world finally created something that has a real life-changing impact. I mean, what we're talking about here is SPRAY ON CLEAN, PEOPLE! Consider the possibilities!
I really don't know how my life could get any better. Not only do I not have to get up early so I can spend those 15 minutes drying and styling my hair, but it makes my hair instantly glamorous with like zero effort on my part.
Finally, I have reached Hair Nirvana!
(My second favorite thing is Picnik ... which I used to create the cute picture above! Fun, huh?)
There's an important distinction to be made between "apple cider" and "apple cider vinegar." Missing the word "vinegar" makes quite a lot of difference actually.
Trying to reduce apple cider vinegar is a frustrating experience, and ultimately a pointless one since vinegar evaporates.
The lingering scent of evaporated vinegar smells a lot like B.O.
Despite the claims on the cat litter bag that it "captures and holds odors," an open bag placed in the middle of the kitchen does nothing to absorb any lingering B.O. smells that might be assaulting your nose.
All told I read 77 books this year. When I first counted them up I thought to myself, "SEVENTY-SEVEN!? That seems a little low for someone who spent a hell of a lot of time with her nose in a book!"
But then I remembered that there are only 52 weeks in a year, meaning that on average I read 1.48 books per week.
Accordingly, I jumped up and ran four or five victory laps around my coffee table.
So which of the Seventy and Seven were the best?
I'm glad you asked. I've done a lot of hemming and hawing over which books I liked the best, and basically it came down to the ones that really stuck with me. There's a precarious balance between reading something you're comfortable with and something that pushes the boundaries of convention to achieve something really remarkable. For me, these were the books that really captured me.
An honorable mention goes to The Myth of You and Me, by Leah Stewart, as the only book that I read twice this year. (Quite by accident. I just really like it, so I'll pick it up every so often.) I recommend this book if you have ever had a best friend that you don't talk to anymore. And even though said friend could be accurately described as a pushy bitch, you find yourself dreaming about her a lot and wonder what ever became of her. Those formative years .... they really stick with you. eh?
I hope you had a wonderful reading year too! I'd love to hear what books made your list for the year. Don't hold out on me now.
I love top 10 lists, and I'm sure you all do too. To me they are the best thing about the end of the year. They must be the best thing, because the best thing certainly isn't trying to figure out what to do for New Year's Eve. That's the worst thingl!! Anyway, because you all care SO MUCH about my preferences and opinions I'm sharing my Top 10 songs of 2007.
These aren't necessarily songs that came out in 2007 ... but they are songs that I couldn't get enough of during 2007. And I'd find myself popping them into the CD player over and over again. I've linked to the music whenever I could find it.
10. Paper Planes - by M.I.A. (genre: electronic/dance) This one snuck in right at the end of the year, and actually made a lot of critical lists for top song/album. When it starts you're thinking, "Oh cool, nice Clash sample" and you're cruising along snapping your fingers and doing the White Man's Overbite until SUDDENLY there's an awwwwesome gunshot sample. And then I'm all conflicted because I want to be against gunshots during a song because it's a little too gangsta for me, but DAMN it's catchy. Take a listen and see if you don't agree.
9. Chinese Translation - by M. Ward(genre: sedation rock) If you've got any rage in your life you need to become acquainted with M. Ward. His crooning will sweep all of your troubles right under the rug. One song of his is the equivalent of a 50 CCs of morphine. Chinese Translation kept finding it's way into my earbuds this year since I had a LOT of rage to deal with. Thanks M. Ward for keeping me out of rehab.
8. Sexyback - Justin (i heart you) Timberlake (videolink)(genre: hip hop) I want to bow down before JT and chant "I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!" Everything he put out this year was excellent. I liked them all. But Sexyback wasn't just a song, it was a revolution. I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here.
7. Clumsy - Fergie (videolink)(genre: Pop) Ahh, The Duchess. I liked pretty much everything off of her album, but I've really been into Clumsy. That chorus is just so darn singable! And as a klutz myself, I can really relate to this song. Except for the falling in love part. I usually just fall on the pavement. And the stairs. (As a side Fergie note, there should probably be a countdown of how many times this year I said "So Delicious" a la Fergalicious ... I said it a lot. That Fergie ... she's a trendsetter.)
6. Stronger - Kanye West (genre: hip hop) Ok, Ok. Before you stop reading this list in disgust, let me just put a disclaimer out there. I originally thought this song was by Jay-Z, who I think we can ALL feel good about worshiping as the hip hop god that he is. When I found out that this song was in fact by Kanye I threw up a little bit in my mouth, since I basically hate him. But it was too late ... I was already in love with this song. And can you blame me?? For all of Kanye's "I'm the best artist in the world while simultaneously being the biggest *&%*#bag in the world" ranting, this is a pretty damn good song.
(And ... if you want to feel like you are really un-dexterous and you have 3:44 minutes to spare you should watch this video. But don't watch it if you are already self-conscious about your manual dexterity.)
5. I'm Not Going to Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance - Black Kids (genre: Alternative/electronic) I haven't quite figured out how all of the gender pronouns fit, but it's catchy and has a great beat. And I like the moral: Don't help competition. It doesn't get you anywhere but home on your couch with a pint of Chunky Monkey and a sappy chick flick DVD. That's a lesson I should have learned about 10 years ago.
4. A Postcard to Nina - Jens Lekman (genre: Alternative) There's something about the Swedes and me this year. I really got into them. And I LOVED this song by Jens Lekman. There's a part right before the chorus where it sounds like everything slips off kilter for a second in a waaaOOOO sound. It's crazy. I love it.
3. The Crane Wife 1 & 2 - The Decemberists (genre: Alternative) Basically, I love everything The Decemberists put out, but I seriously obsessed over this song this year. It combined two things I really have a passion for: folk tales and vocabulary. These guys always use great words to help weave their story-like songs, like palanquin(!), but this song was kicking great words like "fontanelle" and "keening bell". My dictionary got a real workout. It is, in a word, brilliant.
2. Red Rabbits - The Shins (genre: Alternative) From the Wincing the Night Away album, The Shins always put out kooky and catchy songs. But one line in this song kept me coming back for more. "We've pissed off far too many sprites/And they're all standing up for their rights". I just really liked that line.
1. Young Folks - Peter, Bjorn & John(videolink)(genre: Alternative) Feeling a little less than your usual peppy self? Wish you could whistle along to a great rock song? Well, well, Young Folks is the song for YOU! Just throw this song on and before you know it, you're life will basically be awesome. It's just that good.
I hope you enjoyed my list. Let me know what you loved this year! If you post it on your own blog ... send me the link!
One of the most common questions I hear from people is, "How do you find new books?" Or its equally perplexing cousin "What about new music?" Don't act like you haven't asked this. I know you have. We ALL have.
So since I'm curious what works for you, I'll share my top 5 tricks for keeping my habit fed. So enjoy ... but don't forget to tell me what works for you!
Music
My musical tastes are all over the map, with the highest concentration in the indie-pop-rock genre. But I like to get input for all types of music. I don't want to look like a fool when I'm out at the clubs trying to request Fujiya & Miyagi instead of something everyone knows like Justin Timberlake. It's all about balance.
WOXY.com - I sit at a desk all day, and so it is relatively easy for me to listen to an online radio station. I like WOXY because they have a nice balance of really cutting edge and mildly cutting edge. And then they'll throw in a few old time favorites. There have been a lot of times when something I heard on WOXY ends up on mainstream radio ... months after I first heard it. Then I get to feel all superior, which is awesome.
All Songs Considered - ASC offers two podcasts, you should get both. One is its regular show where they review new music and have guest DJs, the other is full concerts. Both are great and I've picked up on a lot of new artists here. The nice thing about ASC is that it isn't limited to a single genre.
iTunes Single of the Week - For all of you iPod users out there, I hope you're downloading the iTunes single of the week. It's FREE, people, FREE! And while sometimes they have some wackadoodle stuff generally it's pretty cool. I'll frequently be listening to my iPod and say to myself, "I have this song?" and after looking at the screen, "Whoa. Cool! Thanks iTunes Single of the Week!"
VH1 Top 20 Video Countdown and You Oughta Know Artists - OK, so this doesn't sound so super secret, but they've got some good stuff! I learned about Brandie Carlile and fell in love with Maroon 5's "Wake Up Call" video here. And other YOKA alums include Regina Spektor, Feist, and Rilo Kiley. Not bad company.
iMixes - When you look up a song in iTunes there are a bunch of links to the right. Junk like ringtones and stuff, but there's also a section for iMixes. These are great for seeing what other people (presumably with similar taste) have chosen. I've found loads of interesting thing cruising these lists. They used to do celebrity mixes ... but I can't find those anymore. Next step for me is to publish my own iMix. When I do I'll share with y'all.
Most importantly you've got to stay organized! I use a couple of tools to manage my music (outside of iTunes). First, I use a Google Docs word document to keep track of any song/artist I hear that I like. I like to use this because it's online so if I hear a song at work I can jot it down, and then download it when I get home. AND I don't have to worry about scraps of paper or jump drives. Sexy.
Secondly, the only useful purpose for My Space anymore is the music section. I always rely on an artist's My Space page to listen to the full song before downloading it. (If it's available, that is.) And some of the less-established artists allow you to download from there. Niiiice.
Books
The problem with books is that you just keep running out of them! I really have to work hard to keep a list on hand. These really help me out:
Amazon's "Also Bought" and Listmania - I do all of my book research on Amazon, and I rely heavily on the recommendations they offer. I'm also getting addicted to the lists on Listmania. Some of my favorite books of the year came from these lists.
Librarian's Choice @ your Library - Most libraries have a Librarian's Choice section or other special display. This is a great place to track down those books that you always meant to read and never quite got around to it. Bookstores also have employee recommendations, you could check them out too.
Display Tables at Bookstores - Ok, this is sort of cheating, since it doesn't give you much of anything to go on. But I find it much easier to pick something from these tables than from the stacks where all you can see are rows and rows of spines. I regularly cruise through Borders on my way home to see what they've got on display. Then I'll jot it in my notebook for future reference.
Favorite Authors - We all know the trick of finding an author we like and reading everything they've ever written. Well, some authors are very helpful and have blogs where they, in turn, share what they are reading. Shannon Hale's blog has been great, offering author interviews and top 10 lists from her nephew (which was a great tool if you're looking for something that a 10 yr old boy would read).
GoodReads.com - Friends are always a good place to turn, but I've started using goodreads.com to keep up with what my friends are reading. I read so much it's hard for me to keep it up to date, but I've definitely taken a look at what my pals are in love with. Let's be book friends!
So those are the tricks I use. What works for you? I've got a whole new year coming up ... and I need a media refill.
I'm keeping up my newfound tradition of living my weekends like I'm a rock star. This time, however, I decided to add a cultural element to the replay of last weekend's shenanigans by going to a couple of art exhibits on Saturday.
I had heard good things about the Edward Hopper exhibit at the National Gallery of Art, and I thought, hey, what better way to shake off a Diet Coke hangover than go to a museum? Are you folks familiar with Hopper? Like me, you've probably seen The Nighthawks before but maybe haven't delved into his work. But damn, kids, this dude is good. Like really good.
The Nighthawks
I got my undergraduate degree in Humanities, so looking at art and throwing out intelligent sounding critiques is sort of my forte. Or at least it was. I haven't been so great about keeping up my art know-how. But there's something about looking at great art that really makes me wax sentimental and want to use phrases like "steeped in allegory" and "chiaroscuro" and "pointillism".
The question is, do you care about what I thought about Hopper's art? I doubt it. I'll most likely end up sounding like a pretentious windbag. Which, of course, I am. I just like to hide it behind silly jokes and thinly veiled mockery. But I'm not here only to entertain, when possible I should also try to educate. So here are 5 things I think you should know about Hopper. Commence windbagginess!
Hopper liked to depict voyeuristic scenes. Like scenes through windows or from trains. Voyeurism makes for great art.
He really knows how to work a vertical line to give life to his pictures. His paintings are littered with chimneys, barbershop poles, telephone poles, and masts. No where else is a rooftop full of chimneys quite so interesting.
Many of his scenes are quiet, private moments. There is a real sense of isolation. Almost as if you are seeing something you aren't supposed to see.
He is a master of geometric shapes and strong color fields.
This dude uses white paint like a BADASS!
See these? Check out all of that white paint! Can't say that I've ever admired white paint quite this much before. And those geometric shapes, vertical lines, and color fields?? Genius! So spare, so intimate, but still engaging and provocative.
Don't see what the fuss is about? Don't worry, it doesn't make you any less of a person. It just makes you less interesting. No biggie.
If you want to see a nice slide show of Hopper's work, you can check out this really cool site that the National Gallery of Art set up for the exhibit. If you aren't a fan after going here, well, there's really no helping you. Is there?
Wednesday is my new reason for living. I'm not even exaggerating about this, you guys. I used to think that Thursday was a pretty great day. It was so close to the weekend, but still had a strong element of anticipation to it. The best parties in college were all on Thursdays. And Thursday's, of course, had the most anticipated television. Yup, Thursday was a great day. Still is, as a matter of fact. But right now I can't even give Thursday the time of day. I am ALL about Wednesdays.
What's so great about Wednesday, you might ask. After all, it does have that really horrible moniker, "Hump Day". Ugggghhh. I hate that. Whoever thought that was clever needs to be beat with a wire hairbrush. And Wednesdays are the day I have to schlep all the way out to College Park during rush hour traffic for Young Women activities. So that doesn't make Wednesday very pleasant. And the work week is only half over, granted you've turned the corner, but there's still plenty to go. In this light, sorry Wednesday. You're a little bit of a loser.
Fortunately, there is a force that overcomes all of the negative things Wednesday has going for it. It's a VERY POWERFUL force. So powerful, in fact, it is actually three things. But united they have the power to elevate poor little jammed in the middle of the everything Wednesday to be loved beyond all measure.
In a phrase, we could call this Monster Force, "Wednesday Night TV". But that doesn't really do it for me. A more appropriate phrase is HOLY-CRAP-I-LOVE-THE-NEW-SHOWS-ON WEDNESDAY NIGHT TELEVISION! I mean, hello? Gossip Girl? Is this not the best show on television? Yes. Yes it is. Or Dirty Sexy Money? 6 minutes into this show I cried out, "Holy Crap! I already LOVE this show". And Life? .... everything I hoped and more. And ... if all of this wonderfulness isn't enough, Pushing Daisies starts this week.
I'm a bit breathless just thinking about it ...
And here's the best bit ... all of these shows are available on the Internet. I can't even tell you how much I LOVE watching shows on the Internet. It's SO convenient! If you haven't had a chance to watch these shows ... fire up your browser baby and hop to it. And then you too will be extra impatient for the weekend to end just so that Wednesday is that much closer. Like me.
I love e-cards. They're convenient and make me seem like I'm terribly thoughtful. And they're cheap. I love cheap. But sometimes they just don't say what you want them to say. Of course that's true for paper cards too, but it has always seemed like ecards should be able to be much more flexible. You know, since there isn't the whole "printing" aspect to complicate it.
Problem solved, friends. Let me introduce you to Someecards.com, an ecard site that accounts for all kinds of greetings.
For the office.....
To express your life philosophy ...
To get those unsavory things taken care of ...
For Holidays, of course ...
And anything else that needs to be made obvious ...
I expect everyone to start being more thoughtful by sending ecards regularly. After all, as Someecards slogan says, you only have to care enough to hit send.
The Fall Television season is finally here! 'Bout time, too. This summer's television was particularly heinous. I am so OVER game shows!
Anyway, as you know, I don't actually watch TV in real time. I record it, and then watch it all on Sunday afternoon. After analyzing all of my choices, these are the shows that made the recording schedule:
Monday: 8PM - Chuck (Love the commercial when he says he's working on his 5 year plan, he just has to choose a font. HA! A man after my own heart.)
Wednesday: 8PM - Pushing Daisies (This is the show I'm most excited about this season!) 8PMLiveViewing - Kid Nation
9PM - Oh no! too many choices ... time for a GRUDGE MATCH! Private Practice (would this be Grey's overload??) Bionic Woman (this could be good or really sucky) Gossip Girl (based on YA books = good, produced by The OC people = bad)
Votes anyone?
10PM - Life (Love Damian Lewis ... hope his show is good.) 10PMLiveViewing - Dirty Sexy Money
9PM - Grey's Anatomy (despite the good news that Isiah "I'm a pompous ass" Washington is out, this show might be on the chopping block. Not sure why, just not feeling it.) 9PMLiveViewing - The Office
10PM - Big Shots (this might not be a keeper, either)
So there you have it. The Fall Line Up. What do you think? Could I possibly be missing anything? What are you watching this Fall?
If you read this blog at all you know that I read a lot. More than a lot, actually. I read like alcoholics drink. Wildly, with abandon, never satiated. I always have one, two, even three books going simultaneously. I never have less than four books waiting in the wings, ready to be picked up the moment they are needed.
But every once in a while, and generally by surprise, my wild run through the literature section is pulled up short, and I am completely arrested by a book. When this happens I want to hang on to that book. Hang on to it's feeling, bask in it, and not let it slip away by starting something new.
I finished reading Love Walked In by Marisa de los Santos late Monday night, and here it is two days later, and still, still. It is consuming me.
You can read the synopsis to learn what it's about (don't worry it's not mindless chic lit) but the plot, while good, wasn't the main attraction for me. What I really loved about this book was the language. I wanted to snuggle up in its similes and curl up with its adjectives. I found myself marveling at her sentence structure, spontaneously saying outloud, "Look at that! Can you do that? That's just ... wow." This is a woman who savors language, and knows it is a living fluid thing. I like that in a woman, and in a writer.
When I wasn't going gaa-gaa over her vocabulary and spectacular skill with a comma, I was falling in love and identifying (to an alarming degree) with her main character, Cornelia. I read these sentences,
If I were to ever have a full-fledged vocation, as opposed to a half-assed avocation, I needed to love it and, in my experience, it isn't always easy to figure out what you love. You'd think it would be, but it isn't.
and I felt compelled to ask Ms. de los Santos to keep her little mitts out of my soul. Because there in two lovely little sentences she summed up what I spend hours agonizing over. How did she do that? Alarming? Yes, but also comforting and exhilarating. And terribly, terribly engaging.
If you're a reader, you understand. It's bittersweet finding a book that has this kind of pull over you. The kind of pull that makes you want to buy a crate of them and wallpaper your living room with the pages. Just so you can be surrounded by the words and pause when putting down the mail, or dusting a side table to read a few lines and remember. You love it for so many reasons. But you also hate it. You race toward the end -- oh how you race! -- but with each passing page you get a little bit sadder. Soon it will end. You will have experienced it all. And you will never be able to discover it again for the very first time. It is the happiest tragedy that I know of.
But, alas. I, we, all of us, can take comfort in the fact that there is surely another such book out there. Our only choice is to read like the dickens (but don't limit yourself to only Dickens) and find it. Best of luck to you! I'll be here resting happily with Love Walked In, for just a few moments longer, before I rush back in to join the pursuit.
Mustard, Maria and I hit the OC beach on Saturday, and it couldn't have been more perfect. It was HOT, like skin-searingly hot. And HUMID, like wear your scuba mask humid. But when you're at the beach, that's just how you like it. That's how I like it anyway.
I'm a Pro Beach Goer. And as a PBG, I'd like to share some do's and don'ts with you. It's my duty to make sure your trip is as awesomely excellent as possible. Not that any trip to the beach isn't going to be great ... I mean, you're at the BEACH! ... but these tips will just make it better for everyone.
The DOs and DON'Ts of The Beach
DO think these waves are MASSIVE for the East Coast.
DON'T be timid getting in. Mustard's such a coward! Dipping his little Mustard toes into the surf like this certainly doesn't declare "Spicy Bold", does it?
DO go wild and get the sauce knocked out of you by that raging surf! (Don't drown though, that would really dampen the entire trip, for you and everyone else.)
DON'T mind people laughing loudly and Nelson-ishly (HA-HA!) at you if you do get pummeled by the surf. I'll admit I laughed at that wuss Mustard, but I shouldn't have because moments later I got rocked myself. Taken down so fiercely my ponytail holder was RIPPED from my hair. Which brings me to my next tip ...
DO bring a spare ponytail holder, as not all of us can be a sexy beach tart with perfectly sun/salt tossled locks.
DON'T linger after romping in the waves, or else that towel hogging punk Mustard will push you off of your own beach mat and hijack your iPod. He's such a little punk!
DO Flirt with the locals. They know all of the do's and don'ts of beach life. ....
DO cover up. Use as much cloth as it takes.
DON'T not cover up. There's no country in the world where backfat is ok.
DON'T ever underestimate the power of matching shoes to anchor a relationship.
DO get a Banana Chocolate Shake from Dumser's. The only thing you'll be sorry about is when it's gone.
... or if you share it with your vacuum-lipped friend, Mustard. You'll be sorry you did that.
DO win stuffed animals from the many carny games up and down the boardwalk. And coordinate them with your outfit.
DON'T wear your daughter's clothing.
Follow these DOs and DON'Ts and you will have as great a time as I did! In my official capacity as a PBG, I guarantee it!
I had to listen to practically the entire Thriller album before I felt better. Thanks, Michael. I know I bag on you sometimes, but your smooth jams and sweet dance moves saved me from feeling thoroughly glum. I hate it when history isn't magically rewritten for the sake of a film. Yeah, I knew going in that the guy wasn't going to get the girl and it would technically be an "unhappy" ending, but man. That was rough. Anyway, I owe you one man. Carry on with the craziness.
P.S. Despite what might seem like a bad review, I highly recommend going to see "Becoming Jane". (Unless you happen to be staring spinsterhood square in the eyes and can sometimes be a little sensitive about that. (Not all of the time, you understand, just sometimes like while watching a really romantic love story.) If so, just proceed cautiously and make sure there's a bakery or a mall close by.)
P.P.S I almost forgot. The chemistry between James McAvoy and Anne Hathaway had me wanting to lick the screen too. That was fun. Go see it just for that!
Yesterday I took a long awaited mental health day. (BTW, who was the GENIUS that invented the Mental Health Day? Whoever he is, Einstein's got nothin on him.) It's actually been less than a week since I decided I needed a mental health day - but it feels as if it was long awaited because I spend my entire day at work watching the seconds stroll by as if they have nowhere in particular to be. And are just sauntering along like world-weary little sloths touring the neighborhood. So a week is roughly equivalent to an ice age. Give or take.
I'll confess though, my MH day wasn't entirely "I need a break from work" related. Stephenie Meyer's new book Eclipse hit the stores on Tuesday. This is the third in the Twilight Series and I've been waiting oh-so-impatiently for this book to come out for about a year now (or with my new time-counting system - about five millennia). If you're into Young Adult fiction and dare I say it - fantasy - then you must read these books. They are page turners. And I knew that once I started this book, there wouldn't be any breaks for things like eating or sleeping, hah! As if! So I said, "Perfect! I'll get it on Tuesday and read my little eyeballs bloody on Wednesday!"
And I did. And it was G-O-O-D!
629 pages worth of good. I finished at about 4AM. And I am here to tell you, having to go back to work today was about as much fun as sewing my face to the floor. But it was worth it - it was a lovely day off. So lovely in fact, that I'll probably do it again next week. Four day work weeks are just about my speed, right now.
I'm a little bit tired of my normal American English phrases like "Awesome" and "Totally Freaking Awesome". And I sometimes wish I could toss in a few select British phrases to spice things up a bit. But I don't for two reasons. First, there's a strong possibility that I wouldn't be understood because Americans are widely recognized as morons, and Second, if I were understood it would be by people who would think I was a totally lame poseur and I'd be shunned from decent society. So I refrain. But oh, if I could possibly get away with it, I would.
These would be my word seasoning of choice:
Brilliant or Brill - "Penny, these new highlighter pens are simply brill!"
Prat - "That prat Roger called me again last night."
Git - "What an insufferable git!"
Sod off - "Sod off, Aaron, I'm not buying your appetizers."
Knackered - "I worked like a demon today and I'm completely knackered."
Veg - "What lovely Fruit & Veg!"
"Fill in the blank" for England - "You'd think Lucy was Shagging for England!"
Naff - "Britney Spears is so naff."
Love - "You about done with the copier, love?"
Do - "Are you going to Harry's Birthday Do?"
Spiffing - "Don't you look spiffing?"
Corking/Corker - "Poppy's new dog is a little corker."
Cock it up - "As usual, Ed cocked it up."
Take Away - "Care for a curry take away?"
Blimey - "Blimey it's cold in here."
Did do - "Well I guess you did do."
Pissed - "Roger, is that you? Are you pissed again?"
Bollocks - "Bollocks to him! ... Yeah, bollocks to him!"
I care about what I wear. It's the one thing that can really make or break an otherwise average day. I know its shallow, and it's not everybody's thing, but I like it. And because I like it, I expect that other people will just give clothing (theirs and mine) a nominal amount of attention. After all, I have to give some attention to things that other people like that I don't particularly care for, such as politics and anything created by Micheal Moore. It seems only fair to tolerate other people's interests and give them the respect they deserve. But as I go about my business around the town, there are times when I seriously have to question what some people consider a "nominal amount of attention".
For example, yesterday I went to Wendy's for dinner. While I was standing in line debating between my two regular choices, #1 Single Classic with Cheese combo or #7 Spicy Chicken Sandwich combo, a teenage boy came up to give some money to his friend, who was in front of me, so his friend would buy him another junior bacon cheeseburger.
Mr. Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger had on a bright blue/pink/purple tie dye shirt, orange/green plaid golf shorts and a dirty gray baseball cap cocked wildly askew. I was so distracted by the rest of this ensemble that I couldn't tell you what kind of footwear he had going on, but whatever it was it certainly didn't do anything to help the train wreck happening above the ankles, and therefore must have only been playing a supporting role in making it worse.
So horrific was his outfit that I seriously (and I'm not lying about this) thought he must be mentally retarded. My "sympathetic smile" was all ready to go as I listened in to see if I could tell just how retarded he was by his speech. That sympathetic smile was wiped clean off my face and replaced with a scowl of incredulity when it became clear that this boy WAS NOT mentally challenged! He was just blatantly disregarding the most basic rules of going out into public.
Just so there isn't any more confusion on this point, and in case you have been living without sight or mirrors for your entire life and are therefore not aware, THESE are the most basic rules for going out into public:
Stick to one dominant pattern. Tie dye and plaid are clearly 2 dominant patterns and should not be worn together.
Colors should be complimentary to each other.
Unless your name is Joseph and you have a Coat of Many Colors, you should not be wearing more than 5 colors at once.
Your clothing should at NO TIME be mistaken for undergarments. Yeah, I'm talking to you, lady that was wearing what I thought was denim underwear.
Unless you really have given up the will to live, NEVER wear elastic-bottomed sweatpants publicly. This is the International Sign of Having Given Up the Will to Live, and it will be assumed that you are on your way to a suspension bridge or gun shop, and police officers and helicopters will try to talk you out of it via megaphone.
ONLY if you are Heidi Klum, Candace Bushnell, or Sara Jessica Parker can you wear whatever you want and it will be called couture. If you are none of these people, follow the rules above and avoid anything that has been Bedazzled.
Learn it. Live it. Don't make me say it again.
If I can learn to tolerate mind numbingly boring discussions about copyright law, or stuffed animals in the back window of otherwise perfectly innocent cars, or pet insurance, well then, YOU, can learn to tolerate looking at your clothes before putting them onto your body and walking through your front door.
When heading out to the theater this summer you'll be tempted to make time for the bawdy comedies, and the epic blockbusters, and even the animated ogres, but if you really want to make your $9.50 go the distance then there's really only one reasonable choice: Once a musical unlike any musical you've ever seen before. Truly, one of the most remarkable pieces of film-making I think I've ever seen. If you don't see it, well, you're really doing yourself a disservice. That's all I can say.
Go. See. It. (you can thank me later)
As a side note, let's all hope that this little baby gets picked up by a distributor, so we don't have to waste 3 hours watching Pirates of the Caribbean.
"Fun First, Safety Third."Cyclecide, where corndogs are second.
"I've been working so hard I'm about to have a Mariah!" Usher. (I actually heard this a few months ago ... but since this is my first quote post, I'm including it.)
"If you don’t like change, you’re going to like irrelevance even less." General Eric Shinseki, Chief of Staff, U.S. Army
" The next day, I ask Nadine the gardienne qu'est-ce que c'est the deal avec the monsieur qui lives under moi, and Nadine says his femme is toujours busting his chops, but il est afraid of her, so il takes out his rage on the rest of nous." - David Kirby "The Search for Baby Combover" from the collection of poems The House on Boulevard St. Top points for use of Frenglish.
OK, I'm a fan of The White Stripes. Who isn't these days? But I'm listening to their new single "Icky Thump" and I'm thinking to myself ... "Is this Spinal Tap meets Jethro Tull, with very special guest instrument The Rock Organ?" Quite a different slant than they usually take. During the organ solo in the middle, I keep thinking of that kid Lawrence in School of Rock, jammin on his keyboard.
I'll like it. I think. Take a listen, and see if you agree.
