Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Useful for Fancy Women and Cross Dressers

One of the main reasons I read chick-lit is so that I can get the information my mother and older sister failed to relay to me when I was a teenager. Of particular interest are the grooming tips. Don't get me wrong, they both continue to be great role models ... but they dropped the ball when it came to teaching me how to tease my hair and put on liquid eyeliner. Can ANYONE put liquid eyeliner on evenly?? Chick-lit is fabulous for divulging these little tips.

I hope that none of you were similarly neglected by your mothers and older sisters. But on the off-chance you were, you can consider me your gorgeous older sister and I'll share with you the most recent tips I learned while reading Lauren "Devil Wears Prada" Wiseberger's latest: Chasing Harry Winston.

First, I had to give myself props because at one point one of the girls puts lemon-scented baby powder in her hair to get a sexy-just-tumbled-out-of-bed look. I have been using baby powder in just this way for years, and it's great! It can be a little tricky if you have dark hair because if you put in too much you look like you're wearing a powdered wig. The Regency Look is sooooo 1783; don't do it. Years of practice ensure that I've got the technique down pat, but I have no idea where one gets lemon-scented baby powder. This is definitely a must-get! Down with old-lady baby powder scent, Up with fresh and sexy Lemon scent! Sadly, a Google search comes up with nuthin. I'm starting to suspect that it might be one of those highly desirable, but ultimately unattainable fantasies, like an affordable non-shared apartment in New York City, that is so popular in fiction these days.

The second tip was used a couple of times in the novel and everytime I read it I thought, "Eeeuw! Gross!" But obviously, I'm not the expert around here, and so when they say that using lip gloss on your cheeks will give you a dewey rosey glow without making it look like you've got any make up on, I for one am willing to give it a try. And so I promptly pulled out a tube and started wanding away.

I'll admit the results are good: A nice pinky, dewey Nicole (Kidman, not Richie) look. It'd be a big winner - if I could get over having goopy circles on my cheeks! It's amazingly annoying. Especially if you consider how much bigger a problem the usual "lip gloss + unbound hair + wind" situation would be if three quarters of your face is sticky with gloss. You know what you'll end up being? A Woman with Mutton Chops. That is a bad, bad, BAD look.

So there you go. Two tips. One is great, but impossible to find the ideal supplies, while the other is a breakout waiting to happen. I knew there had to be a reason why they categorized chick-lit as fiction.


Joseph said...

I'm not a woman or a cross dresser, so this post was useless to me. And gross. But I do find your powder use fascinating.

]\[-]{ said...

Gretchen, try Googling "lemon talc." Yes!

@Joseph: A "fascinating" read isn't "worthless."

Joseph said...

N-K: I find her *use* fascinating, not the post. But it was a joke anyway.

holly said...

LOL. you're too much.