Sure to Induce Nightmares

One of the best perks at my job is Pizza Friday. Have I told you about Pizza Friday? I should sometime since it's a funny little ritual. But I can't do it right now; I've got something more pressing to share with you. All you need to know for today's post is that during Pizza Friday my co-workers and I sit around one of the conference tables and try to out-wit, out-smart, and out-offend everyone else at the table.

Usually we talk about extreme sports or Office Space, but today someone asked what the strangest pet we ever owned was. The clear winner was one of the Russian girls who said she had a pet BEAR (?!?). But as weird, and yet somehow NOT weird as that is, it's not the story that's going to be keeping me up tonight.

Nope, the scariest story of the day was about a pet snake. Naturally. If you have a crippling fear of snakes, as I do, I suggest you don't read the rest of this post. Unless you're in a program, as I am, to try and build up your tolerance to them by slowly exposing yourself to snakes in harmless ways. Then it might be ok. But don't sue me. Dad, consider yourself warned. I don't want to hear any crybaby stories from you later.

So, this story was related by my friend Ryan. Apparently this happened to one of his friends.

She had a pet boa constrictor for years and years. She let it roam freely about her house. (Obviously, she wasn't in her right mind!) After years of letting this snake do just as it pleased it was getting pretty big and at the time of this story was probably around 5 feet long or so.

One night she woke up and found the snake stretched out alongside her in bed - STICK STRAIGHT! Of course this freaked her out, and so she picked him up and put him back into his tank.

The next night, same thing. Woke up to find the snake stretched out alongside her ... stick straight. Again, she put him back into the cage.

Since clearly this was weird behavior, she took the snake to the vet the next day to see if he had any idea what was up. When she told the vet that she'd found the snake stretched out next to her, the vet looked at her with a shocked expression and said, "He was measuring himself against you. To see if he was big enough to EAT YOU."

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And now, readers, if you can sleep well after that story I salute you. I plan on enjoying my future as an insomniac. I expect I'll be very productive.