Wherin I Was There; or The Unending Battle of Short vs Tall

Anything I could say couldn't possibly expand upon the events of this weekend. It was really amazing!

So instead of a thousand words about it, I'll just offer a few pictures.

Bundled

If I had Binocular Eyes

Somehow our spot in front of the Smithsonian Castle was the designated Tall Person Sanctuary. Shorties like myself had a tough time of it. Well below the tree line, I had to poke my camera up and just shoot. Sometimes I got something good, sometime it was just sky, but all of the time being there was beyond amazing.



It was a bad weekend to be short, but an awesome weekend to be an American.

What's the Opposite of being too bored to blog?

So sometimes I'm not very good at posting because I'm totally boring and there is nothing of any interest happening AT ALL.

This hiatus has NOT been one of those times.

So much has been happening lately, I'm a little overwhelmed when I think about the 40 or so things I should be creating pithy posts about. I can't even deal with that kind of pressure!

So I post nothing.

But then I'm all in a quandry, because I don't want to forget it, either.

And if I know anything about myself it is that I am a Great Forgetter. I used to be a Great Rememberer, but I think my brain is full. There's no room in the Inn, but stuff keeps getting crammed in there. So now everything is all muddled up and I can't remember what year I did what, or who I was with, or if I've already shared such-n-such story with you twenty times. So I've got to just suck it up and jot it all down.

So really, this post is more for me than for you. Sorry world, I can't entertain you today. I got some 'membering to do.

Gave the funniest White Elephant present: Las Vegas in a Box! Each item had a luggage tag with a picture of the Fabulous Las Vegas sign and a clever little note about the present. Stuff like, "Know when to fold 'em" on the pack of cards. The box had the following stuff:

• a roulette game
• pack of cards
• bridal veil
• wig & dark glasses (I even got those old man dark glasses - so HOT)
• a champagne glass
• a trashy novel to read by the pool
• a lounge music CD
• a silk scarf to look the part

Clever, right? I was really excited about this present and thought it would be the toast of the party. But then someone brought a HUGE bottle of Vodka ... and obviously Vegas in a Box cannot possibly compete with vodka.

Christmas was great ... spent it here. The heat went out twice. Brrr-a-la-brrr-brrr.

New Year's was awesome. I went to two parties. I was conspicuous at the first party for two reasons: First, I was the only girl. Second, I was the only straight person. We had a great time, but I made sure to skedaddle before midnight. I wasn't sure what might happen, but I was pretty sure it'd be awkward.

Directly after New Year's the celebrations for my birthday began. I had expected it to be a very low-key year since my birthday was on a Sunday and everyone knows that Sunday birthdays are the Lamest Birthdays of them All. But it wasn't. Not low key at all.

The festivities began on Saturday and just kept on going, and going ...

Saturday

• Treated myself to a box of gourmet cupcakes from Hello, Cupcake
• Treated myself to a big bowl of Tangysweet FroYo
• Treated myself to the Broadway production of Legally Blonde at the Kennedy Center

Sunday

• Treated myself to a lazy day around the house
• Treated myself to a hot dog/chips/diet coke combo for lunch. (YUM!!)
• Maria made me a steak dinner
• Charlene made a riiiiiidiculous Rasperry-Lemon cheesecake

Happily Birthdayed I thought the fun was over.

Wrong. The fun was JUST BEGINNING!

Monday

• Work pals take me to lunch and make a big production with chocolate cake and singing.
• During lunch they try to convince me to go to drag bingo. "Sounds like fun, but will it help me with my New Year's Resolution to meet straight men?" I ask. Probably not, but still will be fun.

Tuesday

• Work pals tell the Drag Queens at drag bingo that A) its my birthday and B) I'm Mormon. (As such I was a tiny bit out of place at a gay sports bar).
• Sang Happy B with my new favorite ladies Shiqueeta Lee and Akasha Cassadine
• Forced to do a shot (of cranberry juice) to the stomping and cheering of an entire bar
  
• Being called to the front to call out the numbers
• Being generally Heckled and Celebritied all night long

All of us with the fabulous Shiqueeta Lee and Akasha Cassadine.



Friday
Camie wanted to through me a party because she hadn't been able to participate in any of the other parties. I was well and truly exhausted by this point, but thought it would be fun to have people over to make decorate cookies and have a quiet night in.

So we did. It wasn't that quiet. But it WAS super fun! Even Mustard decorated one or two.





I never thought turning 34 would be so action packed! I'm pooped.

Mustard and Gretchen Write a Chirstmas Letter

"Hey Mustard," I hollered, "Come in here. I need you!"

"WHHHHYYYY?" he hollered right back.

"We have to write our Christmas letter and I need your help!" I said, still hollering.

It took a minute but I soon heard him commentating as he sock-skated his way from the kitchen to the living room. "Woosh! Woosh! And its that Ice Devil Mustard coming in from the outside!" before he burst into the room and with a giant Risky Business Slide slammed into me on the couch.

"oooophhFFF, Get off me!" I said, pushing him off my lap and onto the seat next to me.

"So!" he settled in looking at the computer screen, "Whatcha got so far?"

"Not much. I can't really remember this year."

"Well, that makes sense. You're old and senile" he said matter of factly.

I gave him a look that said, Watch it mister. Sadly, idle threats don't really phase Mustard, so outloud I said, "I remember that it was a great year -- infinitely better than 2007 -- but what in the world did we do?"

"Well, we ... uh ... oh yeah! This Spring we went ... no, no, that was last year. .... Shoot! You're right! What DID we do this year?"

"Exactly" I said drily.

"This can't be right. We had a rockin year. At least I had a rockin year. Your life was probably pretty boring" he said. "Let's think about this. OK. For one thing we moved to Capitol Hill during that monsoon. That was awesome."

"Oh yeah! That move was crazy, but living here IS Totally Awesome. Mini high-five for moving!" And we high fived. "OK. What else did we do?"

"We went to the beach for that week long vacation in May" he said.

We looked at each other and said in unison: "BEST VACATION EVER!" And then sighed deeply as we remembered its amazingness. Then I said, "And then, remember going to the beach every weekend in August? Good times."

"True dat" he said. "And remember when you got your braces off? But then you put them back on two weeks later cuz you were a super fussy-pants and then had to have them on for six more months?" He laughed while I glared, "You weren't expecting to look like a doofus for ALL of 2008, were you?!"

"Oh Yeah? Well shut up, cuz I'm getting them off -- FOR REAL THIS TIME -- on the 29th!"

He grinned and said, "Suuuuure you are. I'll believe it when I see it."

"ANYWAAAAAAAY. It wasn't the biggest mover-and-shaker of a year. We've established that. But it was still a fun year, true?"

"Very true, Jeeves, very true" he said.

"What was your favorite part?" I asked him.

"Oh, that has to be when you went to Las Vegas and that -- "

"STOP!!"

"And you were like, 'Bathtub???!?! WTF? Who ASKS that?' and --"

"Mustard! For real!!!! We are NOT talking about that."

"Sorry I'm laughing so hard! But your face was so classic!"

"Its not my fault people say stupid stuff to me! Will you please stop laughing? Really. Its not that funny."

"Hoooo! Sorry!" he said wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes.

"You are really not helping with this Christmas letter. You're just bringing up all of the things I'd rather NOT remember about 2008" I said.

"Sorry, sorry. What would you rather remember? Lame stuff like your favorite movie?" he asked a touch scornfully.

"Sure! That's the kind of stuff you look back on and laugh about. Not embarrassing things that should STAY IN VEGAS."

"Alright, fine, little Miss Boring Face. My favorite movie was Tropic Thunder. That retarded scene? Classic!! What was yours?"

I rolled my eyes. Of course that would be his favorite.

"Mmmm" I said while I mentally thumbed through the movies I saw this year. "I have no idea. There were a bunch I liked."

"Listen Missy, you gotta pick. That's the whole point. Otherwise, its no fun, and I get to tell another embarrassing story from 2008 that you'd rather not remember."

"OK!!! Geez. You play dirty! My favorite movie was probably TheDarkKnightWall-ESex&TheCityWanted."

"Um-hum." I could tell he wasn't very thrilled with that cop-out answer. But they were all REALLY good! "Favorite song?" he asked.

I effected a Family Feud voice and said, "iTunes SAYS! White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes. Good choice iTunes - I do really like that song! Yours?"

And he busted out singing:
"She got them Apple-bottom jeans"

I promptly joined in, "Boots with the fur! The whole club was lookin at her!"

Simultaneously we both got off the couch and dancing we sang, "She hit the floor. Next Thing you know. Shawty got Low Low Low Low Low Low Low!!"

And that's pretty much where the letter writing ended, and the dance party began. It was a great year for us! We hope you had a fantastic time too!

Pimp Ma House, Christmas Edition

I wasn't going to decorate this year, because I didn't really see the point. If I took the effort to pull the decorations out of Narnia (btw, this is the name of the storage closet under the stairs because once you make your way through the the coats, its a whole new world) I'd have to take just as much effort to put them BACK in Narnia. Seemed like a lot of work. And its not like I need an extra dose of Holiday Cheer. I'm 100% Jolly 100% of the time!

But then my friend Adam came over and brought me a tube of silver tinsel. And I was like, "AWESOME!! Tinsel!!" And he was like, "Girrrrl, that ain't no ghetto Tinsel! That's a Mini Tinsel TREE! with Lights."

And I was like, "God Bless You, every one."

So I put it up in my window, so the neighbors walking by would think to themselves, "My, My, isn't THAT apartment festive with its Mini Tinsel Tree! with Lights."

Fa-la-la-la-LA!

So since I was now decorating I decided to pull out the rest of the decorations and gussy the place up.

My Favorite and Most Beloved Diet Coke Tree returned this year. And I also found this cute Ice Cube Snowman ornament. So now I'm thinking ... Gosh, All I need is a glass to have the cheeriest holiday around!

(Can you see that little snowman? He's between the gloves on sticks. He's super see-through.)

I also discovered the balls that USED to go on my tree before I converted it to a Diet Coke Tree. And So I did the easiest slash coolest thing ever and artfully arranged them in this giant flower bowl.



Cute, Eh?


But then I REALLY went crazy and taped these snowflakes to the mantle. You know, as if it were snowing INSIDE!! So crazy. But so pretty!




And look at how serene and lovely this little nativity looks on my mantle. My Sister in Law sent it to me last year. Its good to remember that there's more to Christmas than Tinsel, Diet Coke, and snowflakes. Not much more, mind you, but more. (I'm totally kidding, relax people)


And now I am all set to have an awesome and amazing Christmas here in my little CapHill house. Feliz Navidad!

The 20 Worst Are The 20 Best

You know how its so awesome when people take pictures of things and add captions to them that make them even more hilarious slash awesome? I love that. I also love music and year end lists. So when I came across this hilarious list from Pitchfork Media I was like, "Score! Its a Funny picture/caption, Music, List TRIFECTA!!!"

The 20 Worst Album Covers of 2008

The ones that make me LOL 100% of the time are:
My Morning Jacket
Santogold
Septicflesh

(I also really like that link to the menwholooklikeoldlesbians ... that's funny!)

Which ones do you like?

Whatcha Think?

I want to take a class during Spring semester. Normally, I'd take a writing class, but I sort of want to diversify. Which of these classes do you think I should take?

Introduction to Digital Photography

Course description: This class is designed for beginners who want to better understand the world of digital imagery, or for students with experience who want to strengthen their basic skills. Topics covered include digital camera use, Photoshop basics, scanning and printing techniques. Students will be able to explore their own projects and develop the fundamental skills to continue digital work on their own.

Interesting because: I suck at taking pictures. I also suck at making pictures look pretty. I need help.

Introduction to Drawing

Course description: In this class, students learn the fundamental concepts of drawing and 2D media. Observation, one of the most important elements in drawing, will be stressed through different techniques and experimentation with several materials. The class will be complemented with theory (composition, perspective, proportions) and examples in art history. Materials list will be provided at the first class.

Interesting because: I've never taken an art class before. I've always been scared because I have a hard time holding my hands steady. BUT! both my grandma and mom have some skill drawing ... so I've totally got it in my genes. I just need guidance! (and less caffeine)

Beginning Ballet

Course description: This class emphasizes the fundamentals of ballet and encourages ballet as a means of improved body awareness, poise, grace, musicality, flexibility, and self-expression. Classes are structured to include warm-up exercises, barre technique and center floor work. Ballet shoes and comfortable clothes are recommended. No prior dance experience required.

Interesting because: I could sure use some poise and grace. Plus, I quit ballet when I was 5 because it was cutting into my cartoon watching time. I should really give it another chance.


Internets? Your thoughts??

A Holiday Party for Your Tastebuds

J'adore Ginger. In fact simply saying the word "Ginger" will get practically the same response from me that you'd get if you said "sex" to most men. There's some drooling. Some wide-eyed nodding. And, yeah, I'll pretty much do anything you need, including taking out the trash. So when I saw this recipe for Chocolate Gingerbread Bars in Everyday Food I was like, "GINGER BARS!!! Oh baby! YES! And PLEASE!!"

So Sunday night I set aside my anti-baking stance and prepared to make my gingery delight. There I was measuring flour and teaspooning out cocoa powder while bellowing out, "LET IT SNOW! LET IT SNOW! LET IT (but not really cuz i hate) SNOOOOOW!" When I whirled around to get 1/2 tsp of baking soda out of the cupboard ... only to discover there was no baking soda in my cupboard.

ScreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecCHH!

Stop the Ginger Presses! HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT I DO NOT HAVE BAKING SODA? Doesn't every kitchen come standard with a box of baking soda? That's like not having brakes on your car or something!

I put down my sifter to weigh all of my options. They ranged from using the box in the fridge (seriously considered, but in the end it was too disgusting even for me) to calling all of my neighbors for the proverbial cuppa shuga (they weren't home) before finally coming to the tragic conclusion that I could not proceed with my Ginger Bars until I got to the store to get some B. Soda.

On the upside, this gave me some time to stop being such a selfish pig-face and invite some people over to eat my treat with me. So tonight my pals Bryan, Adam, and Corey came over for a menacing-sounding but palatte-delighting Vegetarian Indian Stew and delicious delicious Ginger Bars.

See how festive I made them by adding Pomegranate seeds (red!) and chopped Pistachios (green!) with a mound of creamy homemade whipped cream (white!). If you make these bars you MUST add the Pom and Pish ... together they make it about a thousand times more festive and yummalicious. (And if you run out of Ginger Bars you can just eat them with the whipped cream - talk about a taste sensation!)


On a scale of one to ten, one being Pukarific and ten being Tastetastic, I give these ginger bars a 47.

Feliz Navidad and Happy Ginger Bars to All!