Hear Ye! Hear Ye!
From this day forth, I declare that it shall be Columbus Day every day.
Since, of course, the government still needs to "work", all government workers shall be forced to work from home. Without them clogging the highways and byways, commuting in the DC-Metro area is a dream come true. With 500,000 fewer people on the road, my usual hour long commute got shaved down to a very pleasant fifteen minutes. And I even tempted fate by going shopping on Rockville Pike (also known as Gridlock Pike) during the five o'clock rush. If I didn't know any better I would have thought I was in the mid-west somewhere.
And best of all, with government employees working from home parking will no longer be at a premium, and so I also declare that all public lots will be free.
Long Live Columbus Day!