Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Verbal Suicide

In my opinion (which is the only opinion that matters in my opinion) there are some words or phrases that are so loaded with social unacceptability and uncoolness that uttering them is the same as committing verbal suicide. And if you say them in my hearing or even worse to my face (!) my hands are tied, and you are DEAD TO ME.

So Please, for your edification, a short selection from the Kamikaze Dictionary:

  • Referring to something as "a choice experience"
  • Honest to Gosh
  • Cool Beans!!!!!!!

For the love of Merriam Webster, use this list with care (aka, never). Once you are dead to me, it will take some serious acts of coolness (or gifts of cashmere) to become undead.

(By the way, it also really bothers me when people say "anywho" or "anyways" with an S ... ugh and shudder ... but doing that doesn't quite equal verbal suicide. It's more like being maimed with a steak knife. Horrible. So horrible. And I basically don't want to be anywhere around you or know you at all. It's a fine, fine line.)

Do you guys feel this way too? Or am I the most shallow person in the room?


Camie said...

I was waiting for this to include me saying -no duh- the other day.

Joseph said...

Please *bear with me*, *if you will*, if ever I stoop to such phrases and ruin any *choice experience* we may be having together.

Julie said...

I hate to come out with it, but I must admit that I'm an offender with "anyways." Ouch. I'm in recovery. The others - not heard around here. However, Jared has stopped me in my tracks a couple of times with: "I'm totally jazzed about it." What?

]\[-]{ said...

I completely agree with the short and incomplete list.
Uttering "anyway" with an extemporaneous "s" probably isn't grounds for divorce, but it's reasonable to suspend friendships with people who say that.

Alicia said...

I love that you are helping us all in our spoken language. I have to add the verbal suicide that always drives me crazy is people saying "these ones" instead of just plain "these."

holly said...

call me shallow too then. add "acrossed" to the list. grrrrrr.

karen said...

I'm always personally offended when people utter the word "tender". Like "It was a tender experience." Or "Her emotions were still so tender."

micah e. said...

I don't like hearing "From the bottom of my heart" or "My heart was full." I just don't understand what those mean.

Oh, and I don't like when people say they wanted to "Touch base with me." What base?

Maren said...

Hey Gretch! I'm afraid I've been guilty of using "Cool Beans" from time to time - hopefully not in your presence. Don't know where I picked that up!