Monday, June 25, 2007

The Librarians are Coming! The Librarians are Coming!

The American Library Association held it's Annual Conference in Washington, DC this weekend. As a card-carrying librarian I had to make an appearance. But I went kicking and screaming all the way.

My first conference was mildly exciting as I ran around to every booth picking up worthless swag. But now the magic is gone. I've got as many crappy pens, obnoxious flashing buttons, and unidentifiable plastic bobbles as one girl can really handle. These days less is definitely more.

As I drove past the Convention Center, I saw my first pack waddling across the crosswalk and into the building, "Look kids! Librarians in the wild!"

Spotting Librarians outside of their native habitat is pretty simple, especially when you know what you're looking for. Notice the extra-extra-EXTRA large bags. This is indicative of The Librarian. Generally it has a decorative cat motif on it, but really the size is the main give away. If you want to avoid being mistaken for a librarian (as I do) you should never have a bag that is larger than your ass.

Another classic indicator: The Rolley Bag. Akin to the extra-extra-EXTRA large bag, the rolley bag serves the dual purpose of providing more room for all of the excessive amounts of crap they pick up, and to avoid having to actually bear the weight of all of that crap.

This librarian is also exhibiting two other traits: A matchy-matchy outfit (notice trimming on pants and jacket match) and SENSIBLE SHOES! Never leave home without them, as she would say!

These two specimens are of the Funky Fresh variety of Librarian. Funky Fresh librarians can be tricky because their somewhat normal sense of style keeps them from looking too far out of place. But if you look closely there is a sure indicator: The Funky Librarian Glasses. Funky glasses, and ideally a funky glasses chain, are essential. No librarian should be with out them.

Here is your classic Librarian out on the town. Notice the matchy-matchy outfit? (Extra marks for finding sensible lime green shoes!) Her extra-extra-EXTRA large bag is hidden on the other side of her - but believe me, it's bulging with swag. Sporty hair scrunchy, perusing the conference guide - this Librarian is putting the Rarin back into librarianship! But watch out - looks like her wrist has had a nasty sprain. Most likely from over-firm stamping of due dates.

Ideally I would have skipped the conference all together. But since it was in town I felt compelled to make an appearance. Consequently, I did everything in my power to make sure that even though I was in the same place, and technically speaking I am a librarian, it should be abundantly clear that These Are Not My People.


erin said...

let's just hope that someday you don't morph into them. they were all much older than you. i'll be certain you give you a smack if i ever see you with an extra extra large bag.

nckuhn said...

The picture of the funky fresh Li-babe-rians reminded me that there seems to be a correlation between the bedazzled glasses chain and really frizzy hair. Specifically those two things seem to go together like stink and fart.

Julie said...

Ouch . . . good reporting out there at the conference Gretch. . .this post has all of the elements of what could be the preliminary framework for a new reality makeover show on TLC