The Ballad of Captain Underpants

It occurs to me that, even though I've referred to Captain Underpants before, I haven't actually filled you in on how he got this name.

The Cap’n is a nice guy. Despite the fact that he’s not my brand of nice, he really is very nice. So I feel a teensy bit bad saying that I find him annoying, but if he weren’t so rigid I think we’d get along better. But he is way too uptight. Seriously, the dude is a diamond factory. Perhaps I should illustrate:

At dinner on our first date: “Would you like to get an appetizer? I generally don’t get appetizers, but today I feel like splurging.”

At an outdoor picnic type event he pulls paper cups and a bottle of grape seltzer water out of his backpack, he said with complete sincerity: “Sometimes when I’m feeling adventurous I like to mix this with regular grape juice.” To which I replied, “You’re a wild man.”

In an email received before going to a sporting event: “I should probably warn you that there are some security restrictions at RFK. They won't allow you to take a backpack or large bag into the stadium, or any food or drink.” And he included the link to the rules, in case I didn't believe him. I wanted to tell him that I’ve been to public events before, but instead I told him I’d leave my duffle bag full of hoagies at home.

There are many things he does which, if I liked him, I’d find him very charming. But since I don’t like him, I find him very annoying. Things like sending me Dilbert comics or … um … well, that’s probably it.

So it was at this picnic type event that the Cap’n got his name. [FYI, I generally nickname all of the chaps I date, or people that speak in church, or ride with me on the Metro … it’s more fun that way, and I can talk about them in code.] The Cap’n was standing up stretching, and I was sitting down in a chair, and as I looked to my left I saw distinctly that he had tucked his shirt – HIS T-SHIRT, not his undershirt, but his T-Shirt INTO his underwear. All the way around.

T-Shirt … Underwear Band … Shorts

And I sighed and said to myself, "I am an attractive, fun, intelligent girl and THIS, seriously THIS?!? is what I have to deal with? ” And I shook my fist at the sky before resigning myself, rolling my eyes, and sighing again.

And thus he was dubbed Captain Underpants.