Sunday, August 26, 2007

A Pressing Concern

My iron was abducted ... I mean borrowed almost TWO WEEKS ago. I was on the phone getting some juicy details about wedding shower presents ... so I didn't pay very much attention to what the person was saying about where she lived and how long she wanted to borrow it. Basically all I could make out between talking about fuzzy handcuffs and lingerie were the words "borrow" and "iron".

I (wrongly, as it turns out) assumed it wouldn't be a big deal. It was an iron, after all ... who wants to keep an iron? I thought to myself, "Why not try to be neighborly. 'Can I borrow a cup of sugar' and all that. It's not like you use your iron everyday." And so I loaned it out. Fully expecting to get it back within a day or two.

Two weeks later, amigos, the deadline on neighborliness has expired. I've gone through all of my knitwear, and I need my iron back.

You know the saying, Desperate Times call for Desperate Measures, or in this case Wrinkled Times call for Subtle Hints in the Form of a Clever Missing Person Flyer. My neighbors all recieved a copy of this flyer under their door tonight.


I could have been more scathing in it - but I didn't want to scare off the non-iron-stealers in the building. I still have to ride the elevator with these people. I'll save my ire for the guilty party. To that end I'm in my apartment right now practicing my "stern and disappointed expression" in the mirror while I deliver a particularly fierce version of the Neither a Borrower Nor a Lender Be speech. I have to say, I look like a total badass. Albeit a pretty wrinkly badass.

5 comments:

erin said...

oooh, i can't wait to see what happens with this. the flyer looks great!

Camie said...

I'm sorry!

Julie said...

I wish I was the one who borrowed your iron - just so I could return it to you and see you give your best stern and disappointed expression while donning your pathetically wrinkled clothing. Hope it turns up soon.

Julie said...

. . . a second thought - maybe the guy who was shot on the steps of your building borrowed it. You know - maybe be got shot because he didn't return the thing he borrowed from the shooter and the shooter was really disgruntled about it - I'm just saying . . .

*By the way - how can all of this stuff be happening to you? Your life is like one Seinfeld episode after another. Too classic!

holly said...

doh! at least there was a face connected to the theft, even if you can't remember it. we had our $200 fishing waders and boots stolen from our floor's laundry room. go figure! the prob just threw them down the trash chute or something....