Sunday, August 19, 2007

White Trash Day

Every year (when I remember) I let down my polished East Coast exterior and channel Kid Rock for the Annual White Trash Day festival. The full blown WTD event entails a full day of being less than you can be.
  1. Tubing down the Potomac river (ONE tube for you and ONE for your chilled beverage of choice, of course!)
  2. A stop at the local diner for tater tots and mac-n-cheese, slathered with ketchup
  3. The County Fair to hang with the local Slack Jaw Cleetuses who worm out of the woodwork
  4. Concluding with the most excellent WT event, the Demolition Derby
Skipping the tubing because we're lazy, we rounded up the troops, and went to the fair and the Demo Derby. Everyone was lookin the part, like the WT wannabes that they are!

Who knew there were so many people who (heart) hot dogs in this world? It's pretty remarkable. But I should have guessed because, really, who doesn't in their heart of hearts just LOVE a hot dog?

Camie, Anna, and Nathan, are looking about as H-O-T as the undercarriage of a souped up Pinto in their wicked sexy Demo Derby t-shirts. Sleeveless, baby, sleeveless. Like I said, H-O-T!

Look at these cars! If you've never been to a Demo Derby before - Get thee Hence, my young friends! Get thee hence! I promise, it will become one of the highlights of your ordinary drab little life. Just so you aren't surprised, here's the recipe for a great Demo Derby:

48 cars that are no longer fit to be on asphalt. Vividly painted and given names like "Killer" or "The Grim Reaper". A large portion of them should be assigned the number "69" - not sure why that is, but just go with it. The crowd counts down, 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 ... and engines roar! Cars zip around in a frenzy bashing and crashing! Things light on fire. The firemen come. Cars flip over, and are pushed back upright. More ramming and jamming. Repeat as necessary.

It's totally freaking awesome.

But ...... perhaps you're a lover, not a fighter. Well, there's something for everyone at the Demo Derby. Why, a simple glance over at the pit and suddenly ....

Introducing the sexy WT mechanic, Mr. Foxy Foxx:

Bam-Chicka-Wah-Waaaaah. Why are those "Jump Her" cables I see? Oh my! You want to do what with that chain?! Mr. Foxy, you're sooo naughty!!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold yer horses! This is a family blog (sort of). Let's keep it clean for the kiddies, shall we?

Moving on to the Fair Food. The approach is simple. You survey your choices, and make a carefully considered decision. Try not to be persuaded by the overt advertising.

Oh, say for example .....

"STEAK!" as if you need to say anything more. I'm sold! Oh, but wait, perhaps what I'm really looking for is ....

"FRIED DOUGH!" Nothing better than dough. Unless you fry it!

But beware, If you are interested in "looking around" at any of the other Fair Food options (fried oreos, lemonade, corndogs, icees, kettle corn, hot dogs, or what have you), do not look directly into the crazy Bride-of-Chucky-Fried-Dough-Lady's eyes. They're Hypnotic!

"Come buy my fried dough, you pasty doughy people! YOU MUUUUST buy my fried dough! Muwahhhaahahahaaa!"

I didn't look away quickly enough. And had 7 funnel cakes.

All in all, a VERY successful White Trash Day! See y'all in 2008!


Ruth & Ryan said...

My greatest derby moment was when a guy actually brought out his woman and proposed to her from the top of his messed up car. Now that is a true romantic!

erin said...

you did not have seven funnel cakes for real, did you? DANG! sorry i had to miss that!

holly said...

wow... what an event. I guess you haven't lived til you've done all that!

Camie said...

Ruth, that is one of my favorite demo derby memories as well.
Gretch, thanks for covering up my bfb (big fat body) with the demo derby it, wish I actually owned it!