My So Called Healthy Life

I'm sick. This is the second time this year I've had a cold. And you might say to yourself, well, hey, that's not so bad. But if you're me, you're not saying that. Because I don't get sick. EVER.

There's no reason for me to get sick. I don't have kids, or touch kids, or see kids. I sleep an adequate amount. I live in a hypoallergenic bubble. I can't even remember the last time I had a cold before this year's spate. It defies logic.

Especially because I started my current Ruin Your Life By Being Healthy Diet plan in January. [Incidentally, just weeks before my first cold. Hmmm. v. suspect.] For the first time in my life I am doing things like eating square meals, going to the gym regularly, and hello! I'm taking VITAMINS! Every DAY!! Isn't that supposed to mean guaranteed health for ever and ever, amen?

Well, it might be the Sudafed talking but I am starting to think this Health and Fitness thing is a scam. I'm tempted to go back to my previous habits. They were bad habits - but the results were fantastic! I lost 20 lbs by eating Chick-Fil-A everyday, for Pete's sake! (This was an ingenious little diet I dubbed the "Atrophy Diet". Miracle. Worker.) Fast food every day, no guilt for not going to the gym, and no vitamins? Round these parts we call that the Celestial Kingdom.

Anyway. Whatever the reason, there's not much I can do about it now that I'm sick. I'll just lay on my couch and say to no one in particular, "I'n thick" over and over again until I start to feel better. And then once my head is clear I'll reevaluate the pros and cons of this supposed "healthy lifestyle." Pffft.