This scan isn't so great ... I'm having some issues with my technology right now. I'll complain about that at some point, I'm sure. But when I run across something as ridiculous as this article, I have to put my technology issues aside and scan it just to prove that it exists.
I found this in one of the regional magazines. I am shocked that the editor actually agreed to print it. My only hope is that it is somehow a tongue-in-cheek style article. That's really all that's keeping me from not discrediting the entire magazine's journalistic (not to mention fashionista) integrity. I've copied out the article in full for your easy reading enjoyment. I'm sure you'll find it a treat. At least I hope you will. If you don't we can't be friends anymore.
The Baltimore Look
Susie Winstead, 57 retired, and her boyfriend Larry Howe, 68, custodian, from Lancaster Pennsylvania
Spotted at Bingo World, Baltimore
Describe your own style:
Susie: His style is antique. He's got polyester pants he wore in the 60's. My style is very casual. I love to wear cat T-shirts or anything that has a cat on it along with any kind of comfy shorts.
What are you wearing?:
Larry: Shorts and a knit sport shirt, both from Boscov's in Lancaster.
Susie: I'm wearing slacks from Wal-Mart and a cat T-shirt from Boscov's in Lancaster.
Who are your fashion icons?:
Larry: She usually buys my clothes.
Susie: [His is] that one from The King of Queens - Kevin James! My icon is my mother because she was very particular with how she looked when she went out of the house.
Is this your work outfit?:
Larry: No. I wear khakis and a blue shirt with a red collar to work.
How do you dress at home?:
Larry: In shorts.
Susie: Comfy shorts, a blouse, and, of course, tennis shoes.
What's your favorite item of clothing?:
Larry: My [Philadelphia] Eagles shirt.
Susie: My cat shirt. I have one with a little brown and black cat on the front. That's my favorite.
How many pairs of shoes do you own?:
Larry: Right now only three - one dress pair and two pairs of sneakers.
Susie: About 20. I have lots of sandals and heels and, most of all, I love my sneakers.
Are you a bargain hound?:
Susie: Yes, I like anything that's cheap even if I don't need it.
What was your best outfit ever?:
Larry: The suit I got married in. It was navy blue pinstripe.
Susie: My brown slacks and brown sparkly sweater.
Is there a particular item of clothing you are currently coveting?:
Susie: A wedding gown. A big white fluffy veil, the biggest and best they have. I want the whole works.
Larry: A Phillies knit shirt.
I have so many things to say about this, I'm actually speechless. You many not read a lot of these fashion-watch articles, but I've read a lot of them in my day ... and this one is, well, definitely the exception to the rule.
First of all, call me Captain Obvious, but isn't this supposed to be about Baltimore style? Must I point out that even though they were spotted at that fashion mecca, Bowling World, this couple is from Pennsylvania and NOT Baltimore? But residency aside, do you REALLY want to imply that Baltimore style is all about cat t-shirts, slacks, and doubleknit from Wal-Mart? Do you REALLY, Mr. Editor??
I could go on and on about the horror of the mental images Susie's comments have created for me (brown SLACKS and a sparkly sweater?? BIG FLUFFY VEIL? I'm actually starting to hyperventilate just thinking about it.) But I trust you, dear readers, to understand why this article is at once appalling and absolutely priceless. I can't even begin to comment fully on it without getting mean.
So I'll just leave you with this final thought: In their cat T-shirt infested house, I find this similarity very striking.