Saturday, September 22, 2007

The Baltimore Look


This scan isn't so great ... I'm having some issues with my technology right now. I'll complain about that at some point, I'm sure. But when I run across something as ridiculous as this article, I have to put my technology issues aside and scan it just to prove that it exists.

I found this in one of the regional magazines. I am shocked that the editor actually agreed to print it. My only hope is that it is somehow a tongue-in-cheek style article. That's really all that's keeping me from not discrediting the entire magazine's journalistic (not to mention fashionista) integrity. I've copied out the article in full for your easy reading enjoyment. I'm sure you'll find it a treat. At least I hope you will. If you don't we can't be friends anymore.

The Baltimore Look

Susie Winstead, 57 retired, and her boyfriend Larry Howe, 68, custodian, from Lancaster Pennsylvania
Spotted at Bingo World, Baltimore

Describe your own style:

Larry: Casual
Susie: His style is antique. He's got polyester pants he wore in the 60's. My style is very casual. I love to wear cat T-shirts or anything that has a cat on it along with any kind of comfy shorts.

What are you wearing?:
Larry: Shorts and a knit sport shirt, both from Boscov's in Lancaster.
Susie: I'm wearing slacks from Wal-Mart and a cat T-shirt from Boscov's in Lancaster.

Who are your fashion icons?:

Larry: She usually buys my clothes.
Susie: [His is] that one from The King of Queens - Kevin James! My icon is my mother because she was very particular with how she looked when she went out of the house.

Is this your work outfit?:

Larry: No. I wear khakis and a blue shirt with a red collar to work.

How do you dress at home?:

Larry: In shorts.
Susie: Comfy shorts, a blouse, and, of course, tennis shoes.

What's your favorite item of clothing?:

Larry: My [Philadelphia] Eagles shirt.
Susie: My cat shirt. I have one with a little brown and black cat on the front. That's my favorite.

How many pairs of shoes do you own?:

Larry: Right now only three - one dress pair and two pairs of sneakers.
Susie: About 20. I have lots of sandals and heels and, most of all, I love my sneakers.

Are you a bargain hound?:

Susie: Yes, I like anything that's cheap even if I don't need it.

What was your best outfit ever?:

Larry: The suit I got married in. It was navy blue pinstripe.
Susie: My brown slacks and brown sparkly sweater.

Is there a particular item of clothing you are currently coveting?:

Susie: A wedding gown. A big white fluffy veil, the biggest and best they have. I want the whole works.
Larry: A Phillies knit shirt.


********************************

W-O-W.

I have so many things to say about this, I'm actually speechless. You many not read a lot of these fashion-watch articles, but I've read a lot of them in my day ... and this one is, well, definitely the exception to the rule.

First of all, call me Captain Obvious, but isn't this supposed to be about Baltimore style? Must I point out that even though they were spotted at that fashion mecca, Bowling World, this couple is from Pennsylvania and NOT Baltimore? But residency aside, do you REALLY want to imply that Baltimore style is all about cat t-shirts, slacks, and doubleknit from Wal-Mart? Do you REALLY, Mr. Editor??

I could go on and on about the horror of the mental images Susie's comments have created for me (brown SLACKS and a sparkly sweater?? BIG FLUFFY VEIL? I'm actually starting to hyperventilate just thinking about it.) But I trust you, dear readers, to understand why this article is at once appalling and absolutely priceless. I can't even begin to comment fully on it without getting mean.

So I'll just leave you with this final thought: In their cat T-shirt infested house, I find this similarity very striking.


7 comments:

soundofstilhed said...

I hate cats. I hate cats on t-shirts. I hate fluffy wedding dresses that all those Baltimorians always wear! Why don't they wear normal puppy dog t-shirts like the rest of the state?

Leslie said...

"and of course, tennis shoes."
that's my favorite part.

Nik said...

I cannot stop laughing at this article! I had no idea cat t-shirts were making such a strong fashion showing in Baltimore. I'll have to see if I can find any in my closet...
I love that she said she was coveting a wedding dress for Mr. Pug's benefit. The fluffy veil part was just icing on the cake.

Camie said...

This article is a gem. I'm glad you put it on the blog so I can reference it in the morning while I'm getting dressed.

nckuhn said...

So, it's all true. The last time that I was at the inner harbor, I could not find anything that didn't have a cat on it. Well, unless it was a pair of polyesther pants or a sparkly sweater. But I haven't been there in a while and that's probably why I didn't find any of the wedding dresses.
Good thing that this lady's mom tought her to not go out unless you were all dolled up.

Ummmmm.... Was that C & E's dog? If to could they do something about the bitch (female dog)that he's dating? Get her to quit crying about him not making her an honest woman?
Can I get an Amen?

Julie said...

Phew! Okay after reading this I don't feel so bad about my recent decline in fashion. At LEAST I've not slipped into cat shirt territory yet. There is still hope for me to turn it around.

erin said...

first, bruno is WAY cuter than that man. second, her best outfit ever was brown trousers and brown sparkly sweater!? this woman needs what not to wear BADLY.