Friday, September 14, 2007

Karma Police

You remember when the firestorm of crappiness hit, right? Well, today was court day. I'd vowed to turn this most obnoxious event into something tolerable by sandwiching it between some fun activities. You know, turning Lemons into Lemonade and whatnot. This was the plan:
  1. Go to Stephenie Meyer's Eclipse Book Signing on Thursday night
  2. Stay the night at Camie's in VA to make getting to Alexandria by 9:30 possible.
  3. Go to court with an iron-clad defense; get off scott-free
  4. Spend the day shopping the quaint boutiques of Alexandria
  5. Lunch glamorously at a bistro

As with most things in my life, this adventure didn't go quite as I'd hoped.

I had expected the book signing to be PACKED with little girls - and I was right. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten about the propensity little girls have for screaming. I walked into Borders and heard a shouting match at the back of the store: "EDWARD!!" "JACOB!!" "EDWARD!!" "JACOB!!" (FYI, these are the two hunky heros of Eclipse.) This went on for about 5 minutes, until they started shouting "STE-PHE-NIE! STE-PHE-NIE!" When Ste-phe-nie finally made her appearance more screaming (of course) ensued, but this time in a Beatle-mania-throw-your-panties kind of way. Oh, and did I mention that they were also climbing the bookshelves? Because they were. I'm seriously rethinking my desire to ever have a child, since there's a 50-50 chance it could grow up to be a teenage girl.

Already with the tinges of a headache, all of the screaming and loud-girl-chatter made it start to intensify. I toyed with leaving, but after a certain number of hours dedicated to an activity you sort of feel like you just have to see it through to the end. So I waited in line until my number, 916, was called. It was all fairly anti-climactic, as I knew it would be. But I'm chalking it up to life experience. And it was pretty cool to meet Stephenie, a published author, if only for .6 seconds.

When I got into the car to go to Camie's I realized just how fierce my headache had grown. I seemed completely incapable of logical thought. Camie lives on US 50. The Borders I was at is ON US 50 ... but instead of just driving down it, I somehow got myself turned around and onto a completely different highway, with absolutely no idea of where I was going. I had to call and have her guide me in.

By the time I limped into her apartment, my head was REALLY raging. So I spent my fun girl sleepover puking and laying on the bathroom rug. I am a charming house guest.

Today, Court Day, I arrived at the courthouse without incident. But I was sweating bullets the entire 35 minutes I sat there watching other people get their verdicts. The judge was a bit harsh and VERY few people got off with nothing. Most had to go to driving school and I really didn't want to go to driving school. So when the judge called my name I gulped and said "Here, your honor." He asked for the officer. No answer - Glory be, Hallelujah! - he wasn't there! So the judge just said, "No witness, you're free to go." And boy did I go.

With the taste of freedom fresh in my mouth I set out to shop til I dropped. But my plan to shop around wasn't as much fun as I'd hoped. Most of the stores weren't opened, and I wasn't really in the mood to shop, anyway. Which is really weird for me. I decided that I'd prefer to go back to Borders and keep reading the book that I'd started while waiting during the book signing. So I reformulated my plan for the day and headed off.

Just when it became too late to fix my error, I realized that I'd planned my driving route all wrong and I was going in the exact opposite direction that I should have been going. Once again, I had to remind myself that today was all about making Lemons into Lemonade so I should just enjoy the drive along the river, usually one of my favorites. No sooner had I thought this, then I went around a corner right into a speed trap ... where, you guessed it, I GOT A TICKET!

Two MEASLY hours after leaving court, I had a brand-spankin-new ticket to my name. The long arm of the law will not be so easily avoided it seems.

And you know what? Next time I'm taking those lemons and using them as a garnish on a tankard of Absolut Lemonade.


holly said...

doh! well, you can't say you didn't try to make lemonade... I laughed (sympathetically) at your previous post "Universe 367, Me 0". The 2nd traffic ticket is totally wrong. The fates are too twisted for that!

Leslie said...

that sounds pretty sucky. sorry! :)

soundofstilhed said...


Next time you feel like the world is against you, watch a clip of Suzanne'll realize that you don't have it all that bad after all!

erin said...

i didn't remember the first ticket...whoa. i'm getting bad. but that sucks. virginia sucks too. :)