Do you ever wonder if God loves Brad Pitt and Paris Hilton more than he loves you, as seemingly evidenced by those celebrities’ charmed lives? Do you suspect that Tiger Woods’ fame and Bill Gates’ wealth meant that Fate is friendlier to them than it is to you? If so, you’re in for a major surprise, Capricorn. Events in 2008 will bring you big deliveries of the next best things to riches and fame. You’ll get more proof than you’ve had in a long time that God and Fate adore you.
It's official, both God and Fate have hopped on the bandwagon and will start to adore me forthwith. This is one trend you don't want to miss!*
(PS. Hey, God and Fate, it's great to have you on board! Listen, I know it says the "next best things to riches and fame," but you really don't need to limit yourselves like that. If riches and fame are easier, I'm sure we can work something out. Anyway, think about it. You both do great work; it's great to finally have you both on Team Gretchen.)
* NOTE TO SYCOPHANTS AND HANGERS-ON: Worm your way into my affections now, while I still believe your intentions are pure.